Wednesday, February 27, 2002

"I was alone. I was all by myself. No one was looking. I was thinking of you..." - Greenday

So as the snow falls and I rip off formats and I think on the world and my life, I am finding myself waxing poetic so here you go:


I stand beside my partner
Pondering our bond and joy
The snow sprinkles fast its downy quilt
As we are overwhelmed by it's will
I muse at our slight and meekness in it's presence
Then a sense slowly overtakes me
As an intimate whisper can grab your ear
I feel the pavement beneth my feet
Beneath hers
And a thought births
We are not small at all
Nor powerless
Not so much this as blind to our nature
Fooled as the arm might be
Observing the wonder of the feet
And feeling alone and powerless
To make the body walk or pause
But that is an illusion of identity and self and ego
It is a false arrogance
But a self-serving one
For what sanity would the arm have
Knowing it can do naught but that which the body commands?
Silent against it's will.
So too are we and arm of the body
The body of the world
But we are loose of it's total grasp
Yet not loose of eachothers
You are my hand and I feel you
And I will not be alone.
I have loves binding
Like sinue and cloth and bone...
So let the body do it's will as it sees fit
I will concentrate on affairs of the arm
And I will have faith
In all that is beyond my control
To manage its own affairs.
But in feeling the hand
And sharing it's will and it mine
In feeling my love
I have sanity and power and peace
Knowing for perhaps the first that I am part of the whole
Part of something greater
And in knowing you
That truth can matter.

Saturday, February 23, 2002

Rain congratulations! All the best, thanks for the baby tips and best of luck!

Friday, February 22, 2002

Okay, are the cameras rolling? Recorder on? Good. I may never do this again :-)

I feel I've got to defend Ghost a little bit here. I think this has become like a fish story and the more time that goes by the worse the crap becomes. Look, he was crass and blunt, but basically he just said in all honesty that there is a size at which a person becomes unattractive to him. Frankly, I think this is true for everyone, it's just a matter of how large you go before you hit that wall. It's subjective. Personally, I feel the same way in principle, but I know that what I find attractive may be fat to someone else. But also, I am kind of repulsed by sickly thin women too. Am I going to get a lot of kate Mosses telling me to go to hell and not be so judgmental? maybe, but there probably won't be as much sympathy by the clot.

Look all I'm saying is until you know where a person draws his lines, AND understand that he is talking about romantic attraction here AND own up to the fact that you and everyone else has a line like this somewhere, you really can't judge how good, bad, right, wrong, justified or not a person may be. Even if you DO know those things you are not necessarily justified in judging. He's not Shallow Hal here, just in touch with what he likes. Lets not take it to the extremes, make assumptions and act on our worst fears.

THAT BEING SAID, I don't believed the way it was shared necessarily fostered an understanding reaction, but I guess even when crass, you got to give your friends a little rope now and then.

No matter how much I get on his case, and I do, OFTEN, I just felt the need to step in and share that. You know, I gotta kick the dog that one extra time.

And everyone else, don't take this personally either, I'm not mad or against you. Just being straight up.

Damn I rock :-)

Would you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's Crafty

No psycho slayer is going to get between you and your right to life. You're an ass-kicker, a charge taker, and if need be, a monster masher. You're level-headed in sticky situations, you trust yout instincts, and you're not afraid to get a little dirty while getting the job done. Simply put, you rock! But don't get carried away. Even though your little brother might act like a creep sometimes, you definately shouldn't be driving stakes through his heart!

Thanks for the link Chynakatt :-)


I'm now accessible at work via Yahoo Messanger as JCP171. I know, can't you just feel the electricity in the air??? :-)

Thursday, February 21, 2002

Good for you Rain, way to go, but Damn girl I wanted to be 10,000... I was checking in all day since 9950... wound up 10005...fell asleep at the wheel I guess. :-)
One of the things I really like about Ghost: He has an innate ability to know when a dead dog has been beaten enough and leave it alone. He has never faultered in this ability and admittedly I envy that a little. I do not have that polished sense and tend to abuse said dog a few more times than is necessary, call it being sure it's dead :-)
Made first contact video-style with Tempest's other half last night. I must say I truly dig Yahoo Messanger. I may be a convert...

As far as all the crap that is going down:

1. Cremeatorium guy? It only goes to reflect the neglect our nation has for the dead (Other than our own). What I don't understand is why they are bothering to identify all the bodies? I mean seriously, they were already dead and thought to be cremeated, just start a big bonfire and burn them like they were supposed to be. Why go through the unnecessarily painful process of notifying families that their dead relatives weren't cremeated? so they can go ahead and burn them anyway but be angry and rehash their loss? Sure people will scream "we want to know!" "We have a right to know!" Please, get off it, the guy was already dead, big woop. The state can handle all the re-cemeation costs and it would probably cost less than all the DNA work they'll have to do. Look I would be pissed if one of those bodies were my wife or my family, but that's because of my attachment and reverence for their memory. Nothing of who they were is left in their bodies. If you are religious you believe 'they' went to heaven/hell, the next world, into a new body or were recreated as something else. If your not religious you believe that who a person is ends at death and lives only in memory. As gruesome and cruel as it may seem, dead bodies are not people and do not have rights like people. They are more or less property and this is a case of mishandled and abused property. Nothing more or less. So prosecute this guy as a criminal, like a theif and a vandle and burn the bodies and be done with it.

2. Mother Yates: I have never been of the belief that insanity, legitamate or otherwise somehow excuses a terrible act. She was insane? Good, here's your electric chair, but we have no hard feelings. Look, maybe not to that extent, but unless she has a clinical, observeable and treatable insanity, WITH A REASONABLE CERTAINTY THAT TREATMENT WILL WORK, I say she should die. Even then, I think madatory steralization and imprisonment at least! She was on anti-depressants, she got more depressed with each child and yet everyone was shocked when this happened. Look, to her husband the asshole: "If your wife is dangerously depressed and gets worse with each child, maybe you should have stopped at 3 or 4! I'm sick of these assholes who just want to have kids and ignore the warnings and troubles. I hate irresponsible people. You should read this backstory. the freakin woman was suicidal after the fourth kid it got so bad. So what do they do? They have a fifth! ASSHOLES. Don't get me started. She should be dead. If you want my honest opinion, I'd put the husband in jail too for not wearing a damn condom.

3. Olympics: Used to love them, barely acknowlege their existance now. They were once only on every 4 years, there was a sense of exotic excitement and thrills. Now they changed the format, there is an olympics every two years, the media machine is always in motion and it is like they are never over. I hate the olympics now, they are meaningless to me. Shame really...

Wednesday, February 20, 2002

Added Rambling Insanity to the links section. If you are curious about why I felt the need, it's being able to share things like this... Mind you it was 3 weeks ago, but hey I'm slow what can I say.
I don't know what worse, that the government is going to do this, or that they are damn fool enough to allow people to know about it!
Happa: Things are slowly and steadily getting better and better for Alicia, thanks for asking! We are just more tickled every day!

Also, to Happa or anyone else on MSN Messanger, I can be found as On cable modem so I may appear to be online when I am having dinner or off doing something else during a download, so please don't get peeved if I don't respond right away, I'm not snubbing ya! :-)
Before reading the following, given recent events, please do not infer that I am trying to insinuate something about any fellow bloggers. This is the result of tangential stream of thought relating to, indirectly, those events. In fact I find the following more relevant to my work environment than anything else. My more direct comments follow however.

The following are a few snippets from "The Power of stupidity" found here: (It's a fairly humorous read by the way)

Carlo M. Cipolla is Professor Emeritus of Economic History at Berkeley

He classifies people into 4 types and I tend to agree with him:

Hapless Someone whose actions tend to generate self-damage, but also to create advantage for someone else.

Intelligent Someone whose actions tend to generate self-advantage, as well as advantage for others.

Bandit Someone whose actions tend to generate self-advantage while causing damage to others.

Stupid A stupid person is someone who causes damage to another person, or a group of people, without any advantage accruing to himself (or herself) -- or even with some resultant self-damage.

Personally I have been all 4 at 1 point or another. I try to keep my percentages skewed however ;-)

As far as recent events though, I do firmly believe that it is a better, grander, nobler and ultimately more rewarding to disseminate knowledge thoughtfully rather than scorn those that lack it.
Personally, I find it not only informs people, but deepens my understanding of the things I share. Also, and this is a biggie, it allows me to learn about things, that aren't my specialty, from others and not be hypocritical. Remember, it is great to be knowledgeable, but not everyone can focus on literature and one day you may need that person you scorned to teach you something you don't know about and maybe didn't forsee as important.

So in sum, be proud of your strengths, but don't allow yourself the arrogance of believing your interests are the ones that decide intelligence, worth, or position.

Rant rant rant, blah blah blah. Or maybe I'm just pissed off that I don't get jokes about Petrarch. Maybe I'd feel better If I ranted and giggled to myself about the inventor of ethernet networking? Oh that Bob Metcalfe, nobody could ever copy what he's done! Come on laugh with me people!!!

As always...

Tuesday, February 19, 2002

Happa: How are you doing? Do you have MSN messanger? I'd love to have a chat and let you meet Alicia and talk babies ans things :-) Glad the birthdays went well! I hated being so busy and away from the blogs. That should change now, more or less for a while at least. I really missed everyone.
Quick note to Rain: Thanks for being so nice and thoughtful. Hope to read more about you and your pregnancy as we've never met. Happy V day to you too!
Many days late and several dollars short

Wry's ne're to be read by you know who blog about recent events.

What I agree with: The honest statement that was being made and has been made in the past about many different topics.

What I disagree with: the obvious inflamatory crassness with which it was said.

Come on people I am half convinced that Ghosts crassness is more self-defensive then "Trying to get a reaction" although I do believe that getting a reaction is part of the defense mechanism.

Point one: I don't know him that well so I am no one to judge or have insight into Ghost as a person. Tough shit, I'm gonna do it anyway.

I believe this whole "Stir the pot crap" is a facade generated by Ghost to mask the fact that he has a deficiency understanding generic human emotionality.


1. He is nearly brilliantly knowlegeable
2. He is fun and charming in person
3. He has an innocence about him that lets his vulnerablilities shine through
4. He is very logically apt and able
5. I am in no way ass-kissing, this is my proof.

Why? How? What? Huh?

Why would someone so enjoyable in person be so different in his communication regarding sensative subjects?
Why does he shy away from point by point debates over inflamatory things he has said?
Why does he veiw explaination of the obscure as "sad"
Why does he treat his literary knowledge like a secret club for the elite?

Why do I think? The deep sense of inability to safely go to those places himself or feel confident in breaking down and sharing those wonders in a comprehensively understanding way.
Some of the most able people I have known have bristled angrily when forged to teach or explain what they know in simplified terms. The reason for this is because it requires a different kind of knowledge and understanding a more emotional and social kind.

What right do I have to say these things? Damn near none.
Am I saying I dislike him? Not at all.
Am I being judgmental? Shit yea!
What is my point? That you can like a person and not like an aspect of their personality or want like hell for that person to reconognize and embrace those things for what they are.

I think many people would stand beside Ghost rather than fight him, had he chosen to share his thoughts in a way that was respectful and inclusive of the rest of the world rather than in a way that has a safe predictable response that he can get geared up to handle even if that response is harsh. It's safe because you create the situation and are prepared for what you have instigated. This to me is a little bit immature. Not that we are not all immature in one way or another, but this way happens to be broadcast over the internet.

I just wish I could shake the rediculous desire to have him read this, see it as caring and constructively criticizing and respect me for it. I wish that was not so important to me, even as I sling my arrows, but that is my bit of anxiety, my immaturity.

So hear these words or don't and know that they are said because the focus is a person that matters to me, the only valid reason to bother slinging arrows in my opinion.

That's all I got people.

Oh and Ally, Congratulations about the house!

As always...

Wednesday, February 06, 2002

LMFAO - Laughing My Fu@king Ass Off :-)

Monday, February 04, 2002

Where to start... My goodness, so much has happened since I last checked in (last Thursday):

UIM: I've known you almost 15 years. I cannot tell you how much I feel for you right now. Every bit of me goes out to you. You are like a brother to me, I love you and I know how hard, especially inside where it doesn't show, this is for you and I want you to know that I am there. If you need to come out, I will happily accompany you in anything and everything you need to do. I will take care of anything I can and help in any way I can. I am grateful you are not alone.

Coogwah: Thanks for being there for UIM, he is going to need you and appreciate you more than he may even be able to show.

Happa: I am so happy for you that I almost start to giggle like a little kid every time I read your blog. You are such a special person and your kids are so smart and diverse that I can honestly say it would be quite intimidating should I ever try to live up to a standard such as the one you've succeeded at in raising your children. You are definitely someone I look up too. Odd in a person I've never actually seen. :-)

Ally: "...Please don’t drink and drive. You might kill some one from the Olympics, and then we’ll have to listen to the tragedy a million times on NBC. " LMFAO!

Tempest: I'll say it again, I don't know how you do it, but it would take me and 2 clones to stand all the crap that goes on in your job. God bless you...

Logi: It's too late, once you've been infected by the clot, it's inevitable. Only a matter of time....

Chynakatt: One of these days I'll catch you on MS MEssenger and we'll chat. I always seem to be getting off when you are getting on. (Damn it people, that's NOT what I meant!)

Metrocake: My goodness, after reading about all of that I think I'M SCARRED! I hope you have had your last tooth/lip/mouth/scar/trauma incident!

Smithkid: The thing I am most pissed about is that I had this plan to one day become friends with you. You see I have had this annoying weight on me after the one day I hung out with you and some friends many years ago and made a pretty sad impression. I don't know why, but it always bothered me. I can't tell you why, it just did. Now you're going to be in Dallas and as John Lennon said "The dream is over". Then again you probably don't even remember who the heck I am or at least won't know this post is here so um...where was I?

My own mind? Well yea, I guess I still have one of those. Hmmm, lets see. Let me root around in here and see if I have anything to say about anything...

1. The Olympics... I think of it the way I think of old game shows, I don't. After they changed format so that winter and or summer no longer come together every 4 years but instead alternate every too, I lost all interest. There is no more build up anymore, no mystery, just a non-stop add campaign. Do I really give a rats ass how they sell it or how many medals ugandha won? No. No matter how commercial the US may be and no matter how corny the stories or how lame the manufactured drama, when we win we still earned it. Yes we pour money up the ass into these people and give them every chance to win, but the bottom line is that they do and should I feel bad because the phillipines don't drown there athletes in loot or that chille doesn't have enough money to do the same? Not one bit. Look money helps, but if you have the desire, the skill and the determination to win you can, so cry me a river if we are fortunate enough to make it a little easier for our athetes to work hard towards a goal.

2. To that assh*ole who thinks it's okay to stand infront of the subway doors and read your big ass Wall St. Journal while people try to squeeze past you: FU@K YOU!!!

3. And to your friend who gets up, acting like they are getting off, only to find out they just wanted to sneak up ahead of people so they can get out first at the next stop: FU@K YOU!!!

4. And to your brother/husband (the same thing in this case) who presses the elevator button when doors are almost closed, because you are too fat and stupid to make it in on your own, instead of waiting for one of the other SEVEN elevators to come down: FU@C YOU!!!

5. To the lazy, rude, unmotivated jerk who parks his fat (or worse thin!) ass in the middle of the escalator and just stands waiting for the hand of God to place him where he wants to go rather than actually walking or at least moving to one side so people can get by: FU@K YOU!!!

That is all.

Love and kisses: