Monday, December 31, 2001

Happa: Thank you so much for sharing your pregnancy stories! I really appreciate your advice too, although I don't think there is ever a dignified way to use the term "Mucus Plug". :-) Honestly, it was very helpful to me to read your post and I hope to get more of your advice in the future!

Boogie Shoes: Thanks for thinking of us and as far as the remora-esque relatives, I say tell them off in public and out loud. Sure, it'll be ugly, but you'll never be strapped with them again. Well maybe there's a good reason I don't write an advice column...

Growing Up

I learned a lot today
I learned something about myself
I learned something about my life and love
I listed all the things I did today: dishes, laundry, cooking, belly and back rubs, emptying garbage, taking care of the cats.
I knew there was a time I'd break my hand patting myself on the back for these things...
I thought about my wife lying in bed most of the day asking for water or fruit or company
I knew there was a time I'd have been jealous or selfish...
I saw myself now, giving each thing without question and not much complaint.
I know there was a time there would have been MUCH discontentment...
I laughed, because love and marriage have given me new eyes, stronger, truer eyes
I know instantly and with all my heart that I have not done as much or worked as hard as she has.
I could always take a break, a time out, an escape, while she's been trapped in morning sickness with no end in sight.
I know that would drive me towared a claustrophobic insanity.
She feels like she gets moody, but I don't hear it.
She feels like she doesn't look good, I don't see it.
She feels like she's keeping us from going out and having fun. Not true.
She cries suddenly and laments the lack of reason, but the reason is all too clear.
She looks at me and I feel the endless storm inside her, the relentless assault on her body from within.
She sobs and I sense the perpetual drain and fear of when this feeling might possibly stop, or slow or lessen even a little and I know she has no answers yet.
She looks at me with tears streaming, feeling like she's broken and failing.
She cries and I see the strongest, bravest most loving and beautiful person I have ever known and I can only wish there was more I could do.
We will get through this if I keep my new eyes open.
We will get through this if I remember to tell her what I feel.
We will succeed because she is doing the same.
We will succeed because there is more than a baby comming.
We are writing letters in love that spell out our future together, a word for all time.
Family, like a medal of honor earned with your soul. That will be our prize if our hearts are true.


Friday, December 28, 2001

Boogie Shoes: HAHAHAHAHA okay I won't go there, but it was funny...
Tempest: So glad to hear from you and happy that you are starting to feel better. Hope it continues... Thanks for the thoughts too!
Logi: As always, well wishes and thanks for your support!


Okay, I have to admit, I did not know what to expect when I went to the Gynecologists office to share this experience with my wife. I assumed that they'd put a little jelly on her belly and roll a little sensor around. My wife thought the same thing. Suprise! They don't do that this early, oh no. We get in the office and first of all it was odd getting to go into the forbidden area beyond the mystical door no man was meant to pass, but for me they broke the 7th seal and let me through. So we get in to our little room (through a labrynth of twisting corridors, this place was clearly larger on the inside than outside) and my wife is instructed to strip waist-down and wrap a big paper towel around herself (no shit, a big spanking paper towel...) and hop up on the table, put her feet in these little foot holders and scootch all the way down. (we call this assuming the position :-) Well now the woman reaches into this giant holster and pulls out this little club or nightstick or something. It looks vaguely familiar, but I can't remember exactly why. Then she informs my wife that it will be a little cold from the gel and proceeds to inset said magic wand into my wife. The results were just breath-taking for us. Seeing this baby inside her both validated the whole experience thusfar and absolutely thrilled and amazed us. I didn't think anything could be more exciting than this when the woman says "Okay, now I am going to let you hear the heartbeat" and suddenly out of what seemed to be every corner of the room, this incedible fast pounding heartbeat resonated through the room. For what may be the first time in my life I was truly humbled to the whole concept of life. then I remembered what was familiar about that magic wand, it sort of looked like a Mr. Microphone! Sure maybe it was upside-down, but there was the proof, that thing was a Mr. Microphone, retrofitted with a sonic sensor. Good recycling guys! Seriously though, I cannot get the memory of that sound, and the sight of the little beating heart on the sono-monitor, out of my head. It was amazing.

Finally, to the damn fertility doctor who was distinctly unhelpful and not encouraging in any way...UP YOURS!!! :-)

Love to you all!

Thursday, December 27, 2001

Had to wait until the first sonogram so that we'd know everything is ok, but now that we have we want everyone to know! Click the link on the right to see the sonogram shots!

Friday, December 21, 2001

Spirit of the Day

I remember the clean smell
A sense of freshness in the air
Cool whisps of mystery
Soothing my palatte with a subtle taste
Swirling a chill into my warm lungs
The tounge of a young boy just yearning its kiss
A compulsion irresistable and bliss
And sensation...cold and crumbly
Soft and brittle all at once
Glowing fantasy in all its states
Morphing millisecond by millisecond
Until dissolved and gone
Leaving my rosey features behind
Flushed cheeks and red lips

How I miss the snow
The taste of childhood
The sound of peace
The texture of happiness
The now is void but even that is good to my old eyes
But oh the memories more pleasing than my days
Blinked at through my minds eye
Tempered with the sense of youth
And anticipation
And innocent delight..


Love to you all

Thursday, December 20, 2001

Skye: There could never be hard feelings. If anything I'm still trying to make up for the 11th grade ;-)

Wednesday, December 19, 2001

Okay, I admit it. I was a whiney little bitch looking for a little attention. Well I got it now (Thanks Chyna, UIM, Ghost [in a nice and stealthy way] and Logi!!!) :-P

I'm sorry guys, I guess the stress is getting to me and my insecurities got the better of me. In any case the reasons for my stress (not all stress is bad, but sometimes it feels like it.) will come out soon enough, some of which is due to the fact that our house, which construction was to begin on in Dec. has now been pushed back to the middle of February GRRR.. And I had to go for a P.E.T. scan which means IV's, radioactive crap jammed into me and then getting stuffed into the equivilent of a tooth-paste tube for 40 minutes. Also work is really busy blah blah blah bitch bitch bitch whatever whatever... There is more, but that is enough for now (Quiet UIM and CooGwah! :-D )

Anyway as you may have noticed I didn't have any new slant waiting in the wings and thus my silence. Well now that the air is clear I will continue to write what I am moved to and if I start to whine that the would is ignoring me again, feel free to tell me to pipe down. Trust me, it's okay. When I act like a bitch I need to be treated like one ;-)

Smithkid, Boogie: Condolences on your loss and as much as possible congrats on your new job. Sad to see to going so far away, but very happy to see your joy at the prospects.

Coogwah and UIM: HAPPY 6TH! YAYAYAY! Feel better soon! Tell UIM to simply explain to his boss that he was trying to tele-conference and just got confused and took the directions too literally when if said "Interact with coworkers through your monitor..."

Logi: I am thinkin and praying for ya big time. I hope that operation doesn't hurt your voice, not that it'll keep me from singing with you again anyway! :-)

Tempest: I hope you didn't crack like an egg. Please blog soon, we're thinkin about you.

Ghost: No one seems to have had to live the lyric 'what a long strange trip its been' more than you. I hope your lifes adventures lead you to amazing places.

Ally: Your not a mean wife, just caught in the ultimate dilhema: 'Be a slave to reality and toil away your time or Lose yourself in short term satisfaction and run to pick up the pieces later' Just different philosophies of life but us guys prefer the 'do it later' approach. Mostly because if push came to shove, we actually would give an upwrapped gift to someone with a lamo excuse why and have it done with. :-) "Nature rule Danielsan, not mine"

EvilG: You're not finished Mr. Get your ass back to that keyboard and start typing more of that wacked out crap! And fix that Mailto link!

Skye and Rhino: Hope things work out on the job front soon. Actually Skye, I might have a really good 1-day gig comming up if you're interested. VERY good $$ I'll call you soon! Oh and Dude, what do I have to do to get a link on your page? ASK??? :-)

Sparks: I love you so much. Thank you for the best 6 weeks of being married ever!!!

Happa: Reality is a liar, you are a good 10 years younger than time is willing to admit!

As always...

Monday, December 17, 2001

Since, the feedback desk has been a swirling, barren valley of dust and tumbleweeds, I figure a change of venue is in order. Stay tuned to this station for a new slant which will hopefully be more interesting to the masses! :-D

Sunday, December 16, 2001


Friday, December 14, 2001

On Feeling, To The Clot

The strangeness of my life is paralleled only by the confusion I feel when confronted with loving myself.
My heart can burn and bleed and sing and swoon
And I observe it as if looking to the sky, at a cloud or a rainbow
Never connecting with the notion that I AM that sky and that rainbow
When my friends tell their tales
I feel for them, warmly, lovingly, naturally
And still if fumble with my own heart like pebbles pushed curiously by a child with a stick
What do I deserve?
What must I endure?
What do I have the right to demand?
Where is the line between health and pride?
Who's opinions are so strong they mute my own?
Do others feel this way?
I think they must, but that is an assumption and therefor arrogance and the circle spins again...
I have learned much though
Found love and a partner and happiness
But that is still only pretty decoration on the earth of my body
The questions remain, just stilled in her presence...
I know the answer, an answer, my answer, maybe yours, maybe not:
I feel what I need to feel and when I stop, that is when I am done.
I say what I need to say and when I stop, that is when I am done.
I greive what I need to greive for as long as I need to.
When I stop I am done.
That is what I do when I am healthy
When I feel more or less for longer or more breifly
I am a lie and unhealthy and lost.
Knowing this truth is what gets me trough to happienss
Insisting upon it makes me love myself
Living it allows others to love me.

Then inevitably, my advice, feel free to ignore it,
it is my truth, but you are welcome to it

Don't allow others to silence you,
They don't do it because they are evil,
They do it because they do not know what you need,
And they cannot, at that moment, understand
But they love you and when you love yourself and heal yourself
Even at the cost of their approval
They will see later and understand
And if not, you have lost nothing and they have gained nothing,
But you are left healthy and whole...

All my love...

Tuesday, December 11, 2001

Happa: You know it's funny. I actually get a kick out of the whole shopping for Tampons, (or in our case Maxi Pads) thing. There is no better way to turn the tables on a woman than to put on a thick Italian accent and yell down the aisle "Yo, honey, you need some wings? They got the heavy duty like you use (pronounced yoooose)?" Then I put on my Mr. Miagi voice and start asking her if she'd like to be instructed in the aincent art of Dou-che (Ala Tai-Chi). Come on guys, step up and have some fun with this!

Logi: I know it's a rediculous change of gears, but I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and I hope you find peace soon. It is so healthy to hurt and cry and there is nothing wrong with grief. Whether it's a dog or a person, love is love and makes no distinction in the heart.

UIM: Dude, that was some funny sh!t man :-)

Saturday, December 08, 2001

Just want to jump on quick and thank Logi and Ghost for a GREAT time at Cousin Vinnie's Friday night. Nothing beats good times with good people! :-)

Thursday, December 06, 2001

Logi, I truly sympathize with what you are saying, but I hope you know, that even from accross the web I can tell you are a better, more valuable and complete person than you are giving yourself credit for. I hope you know that too...
With Eyes to See
A short by Wry Guy

I was walking to free my mind from burdens of the day, but I could never seem to walk faster than my mind. There are some things that you simply cannot escape.
The thinking, more than the walking, made me suddenly fatigued, so I decided to respite on a bench nearby and try to sort out the loud white noise that had become my thoughts.
Uknown minutes past when I slowly become aware of an elderly man staring at me from accross the path. Maybe not 'at' me, more 'into' me, and I sudenly got an uncomfortable chill.
Leaning on his cane, he smiles disarmingly and my discomfort and fear turn to strange curiosity.
He approaches and speaks kindly, softly...
"Hello friend, I apologize for my rudeness, but do you mind if I share your bench and a few words?"
Not my usual manner, but I smile, my expression hopeful, "sure" my sole utterance.
"You seem weary friend and in a way all too familiar to me. I will not ask you the reasons or details, but there is a story I could share that might soothe your mind"
Again, unable to unlock from his gaze, I mutter "sure" as I become dimly aware of the persistant grin I am wearing, a grin that I can neither fathom nor dispel.
"There was a boy" he said, "A passionate and deeply feeling child, with a gift for perception" He looked up to the sky, finally releasing me from his gaze "But he was also quiet, private even. It was just his way, simple and plain. That didn't stop him from being constantly frustrated by it though" His seemed to mirror that frustration for a moment, lost in thought. I wanted to ask him why, but before I could find any words, his thoughtful look became soft again and he continued. "People always saw less than was there, they would not believe in anything they didn't see and he wasn't someone who would broadcast his feelings. He would try to speak his mind, but it always wound up falling flat, even...too even for some, cold to others."
"Why didn't he try and change?" I sputtered, words falling from my lips almost as if they appeared on their own and dribbled down my chin.
"Funny thing about change" He said, now intimately pensive. "It sounds like a fine idea on the surface and can be at times too, but this boy knew his true self and any 'change' would just be covering that up and that's not really change at all. That to him would be mostly lying." He paused at that trying to find the words he wanted, then going on. "He was smart, but he also speant a lot of time upset at who he was. Naggingly and unwaveringly, he felt broken in some crucial and unfair way"
I only nodded, I wasn't sure where he ws going, but I started to suspect his purpose. The man read me to the core. I wasn't sure if I wanted him to go there, but I couldn't help listening intently.
"One day he was sitting outside by himself and a young girl sat down beside him, pretty little thing too" Now he started to smile. "She turned toward him, but he kept his nose firmly in his jounal, doubtlessly awaiting whatever inevitable teasing or taunting was about to follow. 'You're an egg' she said intently 'Huh?' his head popping out of the book he was reading, not sure whether he was being insulted or not. 'You're an egg.' he now saw she was smiling, but it was a good smile 'On the outside you seem the same all the time, but on the inside all kinds of great things are going on, I know, I can tell.' He looked at her, into her eyes, and there was such sincerity in them, such an admiration, that he instantly liked what she said. 'You think so?' he muttered, hopefully. 'sure' she quipped, 'A lot of people are like the sun, all their business on the outside for the world to see and that's fine for them, for me too, but an egg, like you, now that's like a treasure chest because it's so thrilling to find one for yourself' a very proud look appeared on her face 'and I found you, so don't try to get away!' well I got so happy I could pop. I tell you I was wearing a goofier smile than ever the world did see." He smiled whistfully "Lasted all day too. We spoke much more, but I am afraid those talks are none of your business" He said as he winked at me.
Finally admitting, that it was himself he spoke of all along.
"What happened to her?"
"My wife?" He glowed for the split of a moment, then a shadow passed over him and in a moment began to drift away as well. "She passed some months ago, wounded my heart terribly. Suddenly I was alone and I started feeling like that broken little boy again. I was out walking to do some soul searching, but mostly just wished we were still together. Then I saw you sitting there and that look was so familiar. I smiled in spite of myself and realized that I just had to get these feeling out, to share them, to speak and then I smiled again, you saw that one I think. Then I realized I had changed, I wasn't that little boy anymore. I had a lifetime of love and understanding and part of her is part of me and well maybe now I LIKE to ramble to strangers. I guess my point is, a person like that will find you too. Just BE and she will. Trust me. Then you can wander around a park in your old age and act like a lunatic to strangers." He smiled warmly. My mind noted the depth of the humility in that smile, but my head would not catch up until later, when what happened next would be easier to understand. I sprung up and hugged the man spontaneously, shocked and surprised at myself, but happy all the same. "I guess being an egg can be pretty nice" I said, falling back from my own impromptu embrace. "If you've got eyes to see it." If he had a hat I'm sure he would have tipped it just then. "Hope things improve for you soon, thanks for taking the time to listen to an old man." With that he smiled and was abruptly off. I wanted to call him back, but there were no words for me to speak. He disapeared around a a bend and was gone.
After that day (and you can laugh if you want to) I developed a kind of wisdom about myself, for want of a better word. People still didn't see me and impasses were still reached, often, but they hurt less, were easier to handle and were easier to understand without feeling responsible, or bad, or broken. As far as whether my true love ever did find me? I guess you'll just have to save up and by the book :-)

Wednesday, December 05, 2001

Happa, as a person who's car was hit thrice while parked, I offer you the following advice and this advice can seem good or bad depending on your point of view, but it has served me well. "Expect the worst from 'people' while expecting the best of each person you meet." or as my lovely wife put it "I love humanity, but I hate people". Okay, so not the best advice in the world but really it boils down to how you deal with the things in life you either have some control over or none at all. You meet a person on the street, you can control that interaction, how far it goes and how close you get to that other person. A guy thows a rock through your window and runs away, there ain't nuthin you can do about it, except go crazy trying to find a way to control the world and ensure that can't appen again.

I usually try to create some kind of scenario in my head where I can feel sorry for the phantom person, like someone was violently ill and they had to rush to the hospital, not even realizing what they'd done. Now I am mentally in a happy place and free to then spiritually clense myself and pretend their testicals have rotted off. Then the smile on my face only widens...

Smithkid: Nothing but positive thoughts and well-wishes your way...

Now for today's creativity, and if I can be so bold to ask for feedback, because even a "that sucked and it depressed me" is better than silence (childhood issues I'm afraid, sorry, but there it is...)

The Water-Wheel

Worn, withered and warped, I turn in an uneasy dance I've learned over the years
A creak and a bend as my blades strain and move to relieve the perpetually replenishing load
I am strong and sure beneath my face and I hold true to my promise for life
But the water flowing is not my own
It's final destination, not within me
Reduced to the quick, all that I am is this:
I do 'something' with 'something', a bump in the journey of someone, something else
Never my own creation
I take comfort in a job well done, as best I can
Carrying out my function with expertise and care

But I never stop wishing I could be the source
That I could put the cycle to rest, should I choose

I never stop wishing my station was, could be, something more than it is
That it could be something more than just this...Turn, paddle, drop, repeat.....

Tuesday, December 04, 2001

Best wishes and fortunte to you Happa, I wish for your health and success.

Irony of the day: I don't know how the recent poetry sounds, but I am feeling really great lately!

Hope to see you all on Fri. at CV's!

Perched, precariously yet persistanty
on a line of my own perception.
Swaying between horrific worlds of my own design
Too uncertain to cross into the black I have yet to imagine
Paralyzed into passiveness
Balancing, as my pounding heart commands
Terrified of droping,
Falling beyond my fear, my anxiety
Falling into the mouth of primal truth
Forced to see, as a child, made to gaze beneath a dusty bed at midnight
Forced to the left or the right
Or straight down
In the real
The bottomless...
Logi, no one can know your pain and loss. Hopefully you can know our caring and support. Bless you and yours, our hearts go with you.

Monday, December 03, 2001

Hello everyone. Hope you all had a good weekend.
There is some potentially big news on the horizon, but I won't know for sure for a week or two, so I defer elaborating until I have more info :-)

Anyway, I am feeling the karaoke itch and I think I will make the trip out to Cousin Vinnies this Friday. I hope many of you can be there!

The Walk

I'm still, but the ground moves for me
Absolute freedom in motion unending
Forbidden only from the taste of stillness.

Days ebb and flow, renewed and dying from each repeated birth
Choices, decisions, paths, again and again
Words that form and fail or fly to the future....the the past.
Sights seen in sleep or wakefulness or the roiling darkness in between.

Something always waiting, doing, moving, changing, a walk I cannot stop


Existence has one definining quality
It is always 'happening'
from that there is no freedom, no choice, no change
Not even when eyes can no longer find the pieces
Not even when the life is forgotten
At best the world can just pretend
Tell its little secrets and believe them
'They're at peace now, at an end'
It's a comforting thought, but a beautiful lie.

There is no end, only change within the movement
A step in a new direction
A trip from a different place
A walk that never loops, but a walk that never ends...

Friday, November 30, 2001

Oh my god HAHAHAHAH!!!!! READ THIS HAHAHAHA Thanks ALLY!!!!!!!!!! I have to add a link to that blog....
Oh and Skye? How about a link buddy? What do you say??? :-)
I've had a few people question my choice of cucumbers as a focal point for yesterdays blog. I have two different takes on how to respond to that:

1. A cucumber is a wild growing plant that spreads quickly, seems smooth, but is actually a bit prickly and gets weighted down pretty easily. We call it a vegetable when it's really a fruit and will climb up and over anything to get to the sunny spots. Basically they are the most human-like things I could easily think of.

2. I chose it at random, I was bored and would have made us all busiquits if the thought occurred to me. Pay no more attention or thought to the whole thing.

Pick whichever option you like and run with it. Don't worry, I won't be writing any renditions of McCartney's "Hey Juice" or anything. :-)

Thursday, November 29, 2001

Ever imagine what life would be like if we were cucumbers? More so, cucmbers with the same minds and creativity that we had now? No ability to really move anywhere, no real clamoring for things like clothes or cars? What would John Lennon be like as a cucumber? Would he write songs like this?:

Imagine there's no harvest
It's easy if you try
No topsoil below us
Above, fertilizing sky
Imagine all Cucumbers
Growing for today...

Imagine there's no gardens
It isn't hard to do
No sprawling squash to fight with
No pollination too
Imagine all cucmbers
Intertwined in Peace...

You may say I'm over-ripened
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the garden will be as one

Imagine no more roots
I wonder if you can
No Miracle-Grow expeditions
Brotherhood of Plants
Imagine all cucumbers
Sharing the ground with pumpkin seeds....

You may say I'm over-ripened
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the garden will be as one

I think the song would be as beautiful no matter our form or station, love that man...
Was this an attempt at humor or perverted reverence?
Sometimes I'm not sure myself...

Um, no, this wasn't the much proclaimed 'creativity' I alluded to yesterday. At least I hope it's not...

Strange kind of day...

Wednesday, November 28, 2001

First, quickly, SMITHKID. I sent Mike V. an e-mail with a link to the page where you asked about him.
Second, Skye, I mentioned also, your kind mention of him in your blog as well.

I don't in either case know how or if he will respond, but if he does I'll pass along whatever I hear! :-)

I was going to do an extensive post about my wedding and honeymoon, but I have reached the conlusion that I have really dreaded doing the post because I've told the story verbally so many times, I am tired of the repition. I know that is what has kept me from blogging...

I am thrilled to be married and I am loving it, the wedding was wonderful and camp honeymoon (The Pocono's) was super. Lets leave it at that :-)

I very much want to keraoke with you guys again, is there any chance I might persuade some/all of you to come out east a bit? There are acouple of places out here (between Rt. 111 and Oakdale) that have Karaoke and it would make things a lot easier to do. If you homeys do me a proper I'll get back witcha in your crib next time. Dillio?

Lost my cell phone on the train yesterday....bummer...

Anyway, there will be much more posting and hopefully something this blog has lacked lately, some creativity, in the days to come.

have a great day!


Wednesday, November 21, 2001

Skye, Rhinogirl, Ally, Chynakatt... I read your blogs today and I am happy and touched and humbled and elated by what I see. It's so wonderful and special when people share heartfelt things and happiness. More so when they are people you care about.

I am thankful for my beautiful, loving wife, family, my friends, on blog and off (You know who you are and no crap about you not thinking I really read your blogs :-P ) and for my life, imperfect as it may be in all kinds of ways, it is perfect in it's ability to give me joy...


P.S. Hapa, blessings and good fortune to your son on his trip. May he return safely with tons of wonderful memories!

Saturday, November 17, 2001

Short post. I know I should be writing about my honeymoon and wedding and that is comming, but for today just some quick thoughts:

Ghost, I sympathize a bit with how you're feeling. I felt exactly that way until I met Alicia. I always believed I'd be married with a house and kids by 25... Strangely I don't care about that anymore and when it happens for you, hopefully you won't either.

Oh and Happy birthday, I do wish you the best, even if I do insist on counter-pointing you all the time (see below), but you have such wonderfully distinct opinions I can't resist.

In other matters, specifically that of who can/should be considered a hero, I offer the following Arguements:

Hero n 1: a man distinguished by exceptional courage and nobility and strength.
Hero n 3: A person noted for special achievement in a particular field: the heroes of medicine.

Of course there is also the mythological concept of hero which would include the guy with the cape that you mentioned.

So my point is this:
Ghost you are absolutely right if you choose to classify a hero in the greater or near-mythological sense, you are totally entitled to and by doing so, the word would and should hold a larger and greater meaning. However I also believe that it is equally justifiable to catagorize a hero based on traditional, contemporary, definitions like the above, which would definitely enable a person who excells in his own field to be considered a hero. This would also still carry a great weight and meaning, even if not quite on the level Ghost chooses.

I personally think it good and healthy for there to be many heros in the world, In all helpful professions. I think anything that takes that title away from sports figures and actors is welcome and wonderful for children and young adults. Let them see the really valuable things in the world: Defending people and saving lives. Let them hold this in high esteem and make them ask themselves, finally, who's life did Michael Jordan ever save? Maybe throwing a ball through a basket really well is great, but on a totally different level than things that preserve and better human life.

Of course people are also correct classifying celebrities and sports stars as heros as well, since the technical definition fits, but just as Ghost is justifiable holding the word hero to a certain level of meaning, so too do I, on my own chosen level.

So thanks for the time guys. Respect all as best you can, but hold your own beliefs dear and true because those views alter the world even if you cannot see it. After all, if not for Ghosts standards, I would not have questioned my own and discovered where I truly stand.


Saturday, November 10, 2001

Hi everyone!
Well, we're back from our honeymoon and I'll be writing more very soon, but for now, here are some pictures. I hope you enjoy!

Friday, November 02, 2001

Okay quick scoop!

Thanks to Hurricane Michelle, our honeymoon cruise is cancelled (by us, no refunbd :-( )
However we are not letting that stop us, we booked a new vacation to the poconos and are going to have a great time!

Some poeple consider stuff like this bad luck, and in a way it is, but I really feel blessed and lucky, because we decided in time and can actually swing other plans, so as far as I am concerned, WE ROCK. Oh and I misspelled Baldwin on our wedding programs, so now we are getting married in "BLADWIN" apparently. But hey, we are cool with it, if the guests don't like it, f*ck em! :-)


I also can't wait to see pictures of Skye's wedding, but for now:


Talk to you all soon!
Lots of love from both of us!


Wednesday, October 31, 2001

First, Ally, My heart goes out to you. I don't know the pain you've had to deal with, but I know it's great and all pain, no matter how old, can always use soothing and can always be given thoughts and prayers. You have both from me.

Logi, I SO FEEL FOR YOU!!!! I EMPATHIZE!!! I love singing, have done much theater and kareoke and when I had my cancer surgery I lost my singing voice completely for many months. I never got it all back, but it is much better now, to the point where I can really enjoy singing again. I hope you can bypass all of that and be singing again right away. What's more, I want to be there when you do.

Everyone, rejoice with me, my tooshie is in great shape! I am the luckiest man alive (except for all of the other luckiest men alive, like Skye ;-) nothing has interfered with the wedding or honeymoon at all and I feel so blessed for that and for all of you. I really want to restate my sincere desire to know you all in a much more tangible way in the future.

I'm not working after today, so not sure if I'll blog before I get back, but I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPPPPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D
HAPPY!!!!!! :-D

Thoughts and love to all!


Saturday, October 27, 2001

Okay, I have an explanation of where I've been the last week and not blogging and it is icky, but first I have a few things I need to say.

#1 and this wasn't the first item on my agenda, but it became first when I read it. GHOST, what you wrote on the 25th October was about the single most beautiful and well coveyed piece of writing I have ever had the good privilege to read. Bless you for posting this where the rest of us could share what wonderful personal beauty you have. If any of you missed it, you can read it here.

#2 Nightskye and Rhinogirl: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! Sparks and I are so happy and thrilled for you. We still look forward to meeting you both, but hopfully not until after you have the single most loving and perfect honeymoon that anyone has ever had! (At least until next week when ours starts ;-) Some people say Heaven is God's gift for a good life. I'd rather say that the gift of a truly good life is being worthy to not just experience love and wonder in your own life, but to share in the joy of the good people around you as well. I feel complimented as a human being that I am a good enough person to deserve knowing about and being able to share the celebration of your union.

#3 UIM and Coogwuh: WELCOME BACK! I can't wait to see both of you! Call me as soon as you can!!!

#4 Ally: I cannot tell you how much we are pulling for you and Brogan and hopeful that your house comes through ASAP! Speaking also as people who have the occaisional D - day ourselves, we just want you to know that we are sure there will be so many A+++ days for you both in your future that you don't have to worry about ruining that perfect average ;-)

#5 Metrocake: Thank you so much for your sweet mention of us in your blog! I cannot tell you how nice it has been to follow your trials and victories and to have the opportunity to share a little piece of your lives.

#6 Tempest: Hope everything is going well with the job, you haven't posted in a few days, I hope all is well.


#8 Chynakatt: Glad you made it back safely and happy to hear you had a good time! Good luck with the job hunt, I'm pulling for ya!

Well if you've read this far than I guess you really want to know, so I'll tell you:
I had to have a operation on Tuesday, rather suddenly.
Yea, I'm all right.
No, it wasn't cancer related.
No it wasn't life threatening.
Yes it was something extremely painful, probably more so than anything in my life to this point.
I'm a little embarrassed by it frankly.
You see I developed an Abcess on my...good my...I can't believe I'm saying this...well, my anus.
Fist-sized aparently.
Went to the doctor on Monday, sent to a surgeon, and to the Hospital Tuesday morning.
Had to get a spinal anesthetic, it sucked.
The rest is history.
Yea, I feel much better.
It's really icky, should be healed completely by the wedding day.
So there you have it. Sorry if I worried anyone, miss talking to you all.

See you soon,
What else could happen right? Okay clear that. Forget I said it ;-)
I'M GETTING MARRIED!!! HEHEHEHEHEHEHE Who care's about my butt!
Wooo Hooo!!!


Thursday, October 18, 2001

Ally, I was thinking the same thing today and was creeped out too... I'll send the few warm fuzzies I have your way. Hopefully it will help :-)

Logi, I just want you to know you're in our thoughts every day and we wish you the very best. Just remember that nothing has to be or mean anything, everything is possible and no matter what things seem or what pattern seems to exist, people are all unique and can still suprise you. I know this is very vague and somewhat awkward, but it's the closest I can come to my positive hopes for you.

Ghost, You will be in my thoughts and prayers constantly and hopefully joy and fulfilment will find you once more. Then I can go back to being a hyper-reactive jerk again :-)

UIM and Coogwah, Bless you both. My hopes are always with you and I can't wait to see you both!

Nightskye, I cannot tell you how happy I am to be back in touch with you again, it's like waking up after a long sleep. I am so happy for you and Rhinogirl. That is a sweet picture of the two of you and Sparks and I look forward to meeting you both.

Chynakatt, Have a great, if not brief vacation. Getting to know you has been so nice!

Tempest, You are in my thoughts. Even though your job is hard on you, I can tell you do it very well. Your thoughtfulness and support has been appreciated.

Metrocake, I never got a chance to thank you for your help with my questions. I'd like to do that now. Thanks!

To The Whole Clot: I hope to meet you all one day and get to know you by your real names. As much as I love the blog, I can't help but suffer flashbacks to being 16 years old and in an AOL chatroom.... :-)

I like the 'Little Golden Books' thing so I made up some of my own. Here they are:

1. He hits you a lot because he loves you a lot!
2. The Magical Potions under the sink.
3. Games Grandpa makes me play.
4. Marco Polo + Running with Scissors and other fun combos!
5. You suck and you're lucky we feed you.
6. "Fu*k", your new favorite word.
7. You can go to the bathroom anywhere!
8. Magic words that make Mommy listen. Vol. 3: Child Protective Services
9. I can do that! Vol. 1: Headstands in the toilet.
10. Bad little girls get locked in the basement.

Wednesday, October 17, 2001

Most of you have probably seen this list by now, so I'll only post my favorites:


4. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
5. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence * - Editor's Choice!
9. That's It, I'm Putting You Up For Adoption
10. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
11. Strangers Have The Best Candy * - Editor's Choice!
12. You Were an Accident
14. Pop! Goes the Hamster... And Other Microwave Games
18. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

Best wishes for all of you and continued wishes for all of you struggling with tough times.


Tuesday, October 16, 2001

I know we don't see eye to eye a lot and sometimes seem almost adversarial in these blogs, but I can't respect someone without also caring about them and reading Ghosts words just broke my heart. I understand at least a little what that pain feels like and I'd take back any words I've ever said and undo anything I ever did if it could take that pain away. I'm probably the last one who he'd ever look to or lean on, but I just want him to know that I feel for him and wish with all my heart that it didn't have to be so. Yea it gets better, but sometimes you don't want better, you want what you had....


Monday, October 15, 2001

Sparks and I participated in the AIDS walk at Hecksher(How the hell do you spell that damn thing) State Park this Sunday. We did it last year too, always a good time and it didn't rain so it was all good. Then we sat down for lunch and when we were finished and had to get up again we remembered why they only do this once a year...OW! :-)

So back to the Cryo Center again today to make sure my oil isn't low and then next Wednesday to Stonybrook for a biopsy (more precautionary, we are pretty sure its cancer at this point, just making sure it's the same type) and then the prognosis hooray. :-) Either way, it doesn't look like the wedding and honeymoon will be effected beyond a little nervous cloud about the treatment to come, but hey, I'll take that any day.

I can only imagine what life must be like for Skye and Rhinogirl right now, My wedding is 2 weeks and 4 days away and I am going nuts, theirs is only 10 days..... All our best wishes to you guys through and through!

UIM, I forgot to tell you, you can still do that reading at the ceremony, we spoke to the Reverend about it. Of course this is on a "your choice" basis. :-)

So many of you have struggles and trials right now and I have been reading about them faithfully every day. I want you all to know that I feel for you and wish you well and have you all in my thoughts. I wish for peace and calm and resolution for you all.

Friday, October 12, 2001

Quick update on life in general for everyone:

Good News: We were able to reschedule a flight to FL. for our honeymoon.
Marginal News: We have to go out of JFK in stead of MacArthur causing us to change limo plans and rent a hotel room near the Airpoir for our wedding night.
Good News: Lawyer problems were worked out and we should be ready to go to contract shortly.
Bad News: It does appear the cancer has spread to the right side of my neck.
Good news: The cancer apparently did NOT spread to my chest.
Bad news: To sit down and just talk to a doctor at Sloan Kettering costs $1,100.00
Good News: I have a PPO that should pay 80%
Bad news: I found out that is 80% of "typical" rates. These are much much higher than typical.
Good news: I may not need to go to them.
Good News: My fiance's wedding dress will finally be here Monday.
Bad News: The Brides Maids dresses will not be here until 9 days before the wedding (Talk about cutting it close).
Good News: It looks like that even if I do need surgery, it will not be until AFTER the wedding.
Bad News: I just found out today that a very nice sweet person, the one who trained me at my current job and had moved on to a new job, was among those lost in WTC. He was a year younger than me...

I am really trying to make peace with that last one. I used to joke with this guy and tease him about his bad luck... That now feels terrible in a really creepy way...

Gears Changing...

I read UIM and Rhinogirls "Personal Pyro Party" safety list, I offer the following list of my own:

Fire tips for kids:
1. No matter how much you assure others that the "little" blaze you started is under control, they will refuse to listen to you if you are only 5 years old...
2. Don't burn things that don't beling to you, it pisses people off.
3. Don't ever run through the house with something flaming in your hand, people totally overreact.
4. Girls really don't like it when you ignite your gas, no matter how much you think they secretly do.
4a. You can pretty much write off anything involving flatulence guys, they apparently mean it...
5. No matter how formal you dress or how serious your demeanor, a bonfire in the back yard is not an acceptible way to help your old toys "pass into the next world".
6. You pretty much can't burn anything at a relatives house, no matter how much they assure you that you can "just make yourself at home".
7. Fire does not cleanse evil, leave your little brother alone!
8. "Show and Tell' and fire don't mix. Just trust me on this one.
9. Calling it "Flambe' " does not help you get away with torching food.
10. No matter how much you loved your dearly departed pet, your parents will never let you have a "Viking Furneral".

Wednesday, October 10, 2001

It's not a very busy day at work today so I have had some time with my thoughts...

We meet with the minister tonight for our first "official" meeting to discuss our up-coming ceremony, I am kind of happy about that. Of course, as with all things, tomorrow I find out my test results, namely how much cancer is there and where. That's kind of bad. Today, the lawers are trying to figure out contract stuff for the house. It's confusing and they are asking eachother for things they don't have and no one is sure what to do, I'm sorting it out. We also went out to Starbucks last night (Sparks and I) and we spent about two hours discussing this war and the state of affairs in the middle east and the fact that if, when the time comes for our honeymoon, either of us have a bad feeling and think it a bad idea, we simply won't go. Whether this helps or hurts America we don't really care, we care somwhat more for eachothers feelings, so that will be the end of that. Altruism is wonderful so long as it doesn't come at the cost of your emotional stability.

In spite of all the goings-on and uncertainty and excitement and stress, Sparks and I are getting on better than ever and I thank God for that.

24 days till the wedding, 16 for Skye and Rhinogirl....

I have been operating under the incorrect assumption that comments I have made in the recent past would lead to really powerful debates and good productive exchanges. This has proven not to be true, so in the interests of not wanting to appear disrespectful and lingering where I am not wanted, I'll keep my comments more impersonal and generic in the future so as not to upset anyone. I should not have assumed that just because a person is intelligent and has strong detailed opinions, that they would embrace what I consider to be a challenge of their stance. I regret that assumption.

ALLY was right, there must always be mutual respect in these exchanged for them to truly be valuable and unless that is established, there will never be balance. - Miogi Depate Team Captain

Great.... I just found out our airline cancelled our flight to FL to connect with our Cruise ship... Gotta run, wish me luck.


Tuesday, October 09, 2001

"Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do."
--Ben Franklin

Okay, enough Ben Franklin quotes and enough format stealing, but the amorphous "Guy" must sometimes take on many forms...

Well "The Guy" has read and enjoyed another Ghost post (Ghost-Post-Post-Ghost, ooh it just rolls doesn't it? ) and of course has a plethora of response. I must say though, that for someone who so often perported to love 'stirring the pot' and enjoyed 'drawing reactions', it is more than a little saddening to read the closing of his blog today.

Now it's time to respond to todays post and believe me, it is so pleasant to have the point of view to challenge (like it or not I guess). I don't know if my opinions are respected or even appreciated by him but luckily the blog doesn't need to know or care, and I respect the blog, the blog is good :-)

I guess I should also state that I am only addressing the aspects I do not agree with or have strong feelings about because I do not wish to be redundant and I'd prefer you read Ghost's blog directly to glean those positive bits for yourself. If I am missing the point I don't want to contribute to your doing the same.

Heck maybe I'll even start my own threads instead of leaching off the opinions and creativity of others, but hey, responding to interesting things is kind of a format in itself right?

I think it is a wonderful Idea to infiltrate these terrorist camps, on the surface, but there is a lot more to this than meets the eye. You'd almost have to utilize operatives from Middle-Eastern countries and also make sure they stayed alive, which is harder than it may seem on the surface. Then try and infiltrate, knowing that years may have to go by so that you can establish yourself and your beliefs. This is/was the ruling body, in a power position, not a rebel group, desperate for any help it can get. Also, the spies would likely have to participate in bloody operations, maybe even killing Americans and others before ever even gaining enough trust to be privy to such plans. You are not going to entrust "the new guy" with the plan to destroy America" It's not like this is a hollywood movie where we can send a guy over there and have him do some incredible deed or save someone's life and then get in the good graces of these guys? They'd probably kill anyone who hasn't been there for the better part of their lives who even inquired about such a thing. These are exremists, called that for a reason. So please don't think that even 8 years is all that much, it's not, especially considering the possibility of mortality and the probability of having to kill some of your allies and countrymen in the process.

I do appreciate the desire to find a simple and executable solution, but I think this is a case where it has been made clear from the get go that clarity of action and even clarity of enemy is not easily discerned nor decided upon.

Bombs are impercise, innocents get killed and targets may not even be valid. Believe me, I wish bombs would never be dropped and guns would never be fired unless we were sure of hitting the targets. I would love it because then there would be no war because unless you lined people up and held guns to their heads you could never be sure if you'll hit something and you'd never know if intelligence is completely accurate.

Now, I don't necessarily think the bombings by themselves are such a wonderful idea either, but I understand the reasoning behind them. We are not attacking to kill Usama bin Ladin (although it would be a nice incidental perk) we are attacking to weaken the position of the Taliban government so that the Northern Alliance with have a stronger position, enabling them to re-take the country. Not because they are necessarily the "good guys" but because, relatively speaking, they are the "better guys" and the point is to remove power from the government that would aid and help train the terrorists that attack us.

It is true that many if not most people in Afghanistan and even Pakistan think we are the "Great Satan" but what we are doing is smart. We are dropping flyers with the food explaining (in their native language) what the situation really is to slowly cause people to question the actions of their government. It's true that only 25% of the people there are literate, but it is also true that the literate talk and that most of the beliefs people there have come from stories and conversations as most news is inaccessible. We don't need people to love us, but if we can make them hate us a little less, foster at least a little uncertainty, then the threats are likewise reduced. Printing a huge USA on every bag and box also reinforces our position.

The idea that, 'if you kill the leader then the whole system will fall apart', is not true anymore (if it ever really was), If it were true then we are really wasting our time because in case you didn't know, the leader of the Northern Alliance was assassinated by a bomb hidden in a TV camera just 2 weeks before the attack that shook our Country. We should not believe that the Northern Alliance will fall apart because it lost it's leader and we should not believe that Usama bin Ladin’s clan will break up should he perish. I think the problem with people is that they want or maybe even need a person or a face to concentrate their agression on and that is a dangerous thing to do because there is always a new face somewhere in the background waiting to be hated next.

If you want an idea of the political intricacies of combating middle east terrorism, read the following page for a glimpse of just one piece of the complicated and murky tapestry that is middle-eastern terrorism.

What do I think the solution is? Probably what I percieve is exactly what the government is doing: Working on Multiple fronts in a varaiety of ways. Food, Fliers, Diplomacy, Force, Covert ops, Leveraging the people involved in their own country who fight against bin Ladin, utilizing allied support whether it's necessary or not, to foster unity, pushing through large aid packages for our own citizens, cutting lending rates to spur economic growth.... I have never been so proud of the government as I am right now.

But still with all that said, I am scared too, and I wish for a simple solution, I wish for a quick resolution, I wish for life to go back to the way it was, knowing it never can. But that doesn't mean life cannot be good again, it's just that whatever is coming, it is new and with new comes uncertainty and with uncertainty comes fear. I am just grateful that I have love and faith enough to face this new future and I hope for all of you to find the strength to do the same.


Friday, October 05, 2001

Okay, I read Ghost and the following is the response it illicited from me:

I think it overly trite and jingoistic to pull out the old "lazy lax Americans, they brought this on themselves" crap. I love how angry people who know better than everyone else come out of the woodwork when something goes wrong. The rest of us understand that it is human (not American) nature to seek the most relaxed and enjoyable a state as possible regarding macroscopic events so that we can concentrate on our personal lives. That is not to say that we are not concerned with safety and security, we are just predominantly concerned on a different level. This is not out of left field though, biological imperative demands we care for ourselves and loved ones first and foremost. That is not to say we do not care about Macroscopic matters, only that in the course of our lives we are frequently occupied with living and thriving and thusly place our faith in others to look at those matters sufficiently and provide us with forums and data with which to make an opion and formulate support systems in the most efficient manner such that an excess of time is not taken away from pressing personal matters.

I don't know who was the one to decide that if you don't outwardly say or display publicly your beliefs that you are a hypocrite if you decide to do so later "just because" of serious world events. Look Einstein, my parents love my brother and I, but if they didn't happen to tell me so literally for a while, they didn't suddenly become hypocrites when a tradgedy on tv made them run in and tell my brother and I that they love us. Yes that is an apt metaphore as a matter of fact. God, where the hell do you get off judging patriotism or political stance on any level simply by the presence or pervasiveness of the outward displays. Try conversation. Try asking a persons stances and views before judging how big their flag is. God how stereotypically primal male an attitude can you have?

As far as the level of security, any thief will tell you that if they want to steal anything bad enough they'll find a way to do so eventually. Don't put so much faith in security that you start becomming willing to "trim" some basic freedoms for safety's sake. As Benjamin Franklin said: "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Those are words to be pondered and considered very carefully.

I'm not saying that security is not necessary, I am saying, don't think you can set a level of security where you can say "Ok we are safe now" and think the sacrifice worth it. Let me tell you, if we sacrifice like that and this manages to happen again, a lot of people will be wondering what they sacrified liberty for and get angry, thats how kingdoms fall, look it up. Not that this is logically justifiable, but it is human nature and must be acknowledged. We don't have to like human nature, but to put a bag over our heads and simply say it shouldn't be so is just foolishness.

Just to reiterate, If one more person tells me why can't raise a flag if i didn't before or why I shouldn't display a bumper sticker I didn't display it before , they better stand 10 steps away when they say it. I'm not very fast and that should be enough of a head start. If I didn't display a flag before if DOESN'T mean I didn't love or take pride in my country before, it just means that I didn't think of for feel a need to express that outwardly. If I later do feel that need because of some event then I am justified, not phoney or hypocritical. You know what else? That may not be true for someone else, nor does it need to be. I'm simply saying that when you start slinging beliefs about groups and countries you lose the ability to see individuals and that is the kind of thinking that leads to hate and predjudice and war, just look at the the beliefs of the terrorists if you need proof of that.

Okay, I'm done. Wow that was fun, nice to have a strong opinion to react to...
I met my friend MeG for lunch yesterday. He's an Air Force reservist. He hasn't been home since Sept. 18. Yesteday he was stationed near ground zero a few blocks away from me. He escorted me behind the barracades and I had a view of the site that few civilians get. It was humbling, it was very sad. It's still burning, I couldn't belive that. It's bigger more menacing and more real than it ever seemed on TV. It seemed VERY real on TV, but reality has a way of blowing that away....

Had a nice chat with ChynaKatt, I now know exactly who the heck I am talking to :-)

Ally, send me an e-mail if you can, I need to ask you a question!

29 days until my wedding, that means only 22 until Skye and Rhino's, this is so damn exciting!

UIM has now been added to my short list of Groomsmen (3), thanks for being there buddy!

Tuesday, October 02, 2001

Well I am about to go for my MRI, followed an hour and a half later by a CAT scan. I am a little scared and hate the idea of having to get two infusions of "contrast". They inject the stuff to help take better pictures and of course the two tests usee different "contrast" so I get poked twice. That's secondary though. What I really want to do is let all of you know how much your words of encouragement and support have made to me today. I stayed home because I just couldn't work with these tests hanging over my head and every time I found myself getting sad, it seemed like one of you posted a message or sent me an e-mail or called and I have to tell you it made ALL the difference in the world. I have been blessed with only wonderful people in my life and knowing that gives Sparks AND I the strength to not just deal with this, but make sure only good things come from it. We know in our hearts that everything will be okay and with friends like all of you, I know we won't ever be alone in this, so thank you all, Ally, Tempest, Logi, ChynaKatt, Rhinogirl, Skye, UIM, CooGwuh and everyone I may have forgotton.

Oh and ChynaKatt, you actually DID meet Sparks and I at Karaoke one night ;-)

Lots of love,
Join us in a chain of smiles, it's all good
Wry and Sparks

Monday, October 01, 2001

Yesterday was a nearly perfect, absolutely divine day in the lives of Wryguy and Sparks. She had her bridal shower and was totally suprised, had fun and not a single odd moment all day and night. It was truly like a dream in every respect.

Today I found out they think my cancer is back. I am about as sad, scared and upset as I have ever been. I am leaving early. I am not going in tomorrow. My heart is breaking. I never wanted this for Sparks and I don't want it for us. Please send us your thoughts and prayers. I have has three operations already, I am not handling this very wll at all, this one hurts.

Love you all, keep us in your thoughts,

Friday, September 28, 2001

Wooo Hooo! We're in! Now just tell me, does that little incident I had with the electric trimmer when I was 13 count or is there a statute of limitations or an idiots exclusion? :-)

I think men must start out on the Advanced users list and I think I must be in the elite overacheivers group. Thanks goodness I found Sparks or I'd be in M.A. from wearing out the poor little guy. I agree with Ghost, if Sparks wasn't an active participant, life would simply not be as good as it is.

We should have an exploit list for the men too. I don't know if the places men do it would be as exciting, but hey how about the items used (See opening line). Come on you brave guys fess up! I think that between the ages of 12 and 15 times were particularly desperate and the variety of helpful tools and ingredients were quite diverse (IE lotions, shampoos, soaps, soft cloth, vibrating items of all types, goats, furniture, small rocks.... (okay those last few are just made up).

Tell the truth, we all had that story about the guy in school who got his thang caught in the shampoo bottle or the girl who had to go to the hospital after that "Hotdog" experiment went terribly awry, so share your disgusting perversions...I mean...learning experiences!


Thursday, September 27, 2001

I have to say I am a little suprised that no man has yet gotten threatened or jealous of their significant others participation in "Vibrate Across America". Things like this can reflect quite negatively on a man's ability to satify ones partner. I mean if she was getting enough at home, of high enough quality, why would she need or have time to...

Okay I am totally full of beans here, I just wanted to stir the pot and find I don't have the nuts for it (Sorry Ghost, I thought you'd have been proud)

Wednesday, September 26, 2001

In the most selfish of all veins I am very worried about the Delta cutbacks today. Yes it's bad that all those jobs were lost, but damn it I am flying to Florida on my honeymoon in a month and if I have to tell my fiance that our honeymoon is cancelled bacause we can no longer get a flight at the right time then I will be postal. We're going on a cruise and there is a definite window you have to hit. I know this is totally celf-centered and selfish but it's damn true! GAHHH! &*$#$*&^%%^&$%$!

Tuesday, September 25, 2001

I just want to tell Ally how much I appreciate her blog and to let her know that is a source of inspiration to me. I never had a 'hometown' I never lived in one place more than 2 years in a row until I was 16 and not again since I turned 23, 7 years ago... I really appreciate being able to hear about and feel what it is like to have a deep foundation like that. My fiance has that kind of background too and sometimes I struggle to relate. Your blog helps me do that. Thank you for sharing it.

Monday, September 24, 2001

I've seen a lot of flack going back and fourth so I decided to clarify what I posted and to assure everyone reading this that these are thoughts inspired by the friends blogs I read, not a retaliation or an attack upon them.

We are in a difficult time and we need to be unified more now than ever before (in our lives at least). Anything that separates or segragates us from one another makes us weaker. Any damning judgement we make of eachother makes us less as a whole. Having pride and being patriotic are wonderful things to be very happy about but, NOT EVER something to be used as a yardstick to measure how good or deserving the next guy is. We are spoiled in this country because we are so large and powerful, but I promise you, if the fighting were here and you were out in it, desperate for a place to shelter and came across a house you'd be praying there was a fellow American in there and wouldn't care if they were hanging a flag or pro-war orPro-anything. You'd just be happy you found the home of a comrad where you could seek safety.

My point is that righteousness is a luxury and we should remember that. It's also dangerously close to arrogance. Appreciate the lowest common demonitator first and best. If we all do that we will be able to love eachother and stand together because we are all AMERICANS, no matter what our opinions or beliefs.

Thanks for listening,

Friday, September 21, 2001

Logi and Ally. I've been thinking of you both and wanted to type words of encouragement and kept falling flat and writing nothing. I need to remedy that.

Logi, your problem is a tough one to address and I won't because it isn't my place, but I can say that I feel and suffer your pain with you. I have been married before and I went through that. I hope and pray that your marriage will succeed where mine miserably failed (Incidentally, I was not the one who went out and did XY&Z, she was). I've been sending thoughts and prayers your way since I first read of your grief.

Ally, Your position I sympathize with but can never truly understand. The pain and worry you must have to endure is truly great. You have shown great strength in your writing though and I want to acknowledge you for that. Bravery is not just defined by being unflinching and brazen, it is also defined by the the strength and self love it takes to face and share your fear and pain. To me a person who can do that is very brave indeed. I wish for continued strength and happiness for you and yours and hope your love and bond only strengthens in the future.
I have a few thoughts I'd like to share. They aren't well thought out and people may get pissed, but so be it.

To anyone who cancelled travel plans because of fear, I understand that fear, you can keep your flags in the window.

To everyone who sold stock because they weren't willing to take a chance with their savings, don't worry, you're still Americans, have the right to fear, to be careful and you can still wave your flag proudly.

To those who traveled and invested in the face of fear, you are to be applauded, wave your flags high.

To those who fear war, don't want military action, can't cope or don't want to trust the government. You have earned the right to be weary, you are still Americans, be proud to have your opinions.

To those supporting the war, who want action, who want freedom defended at all costs, enjoy the comfort of your brothers who feel the same and know your patriotism is a source of strength to many.

No matter what your views, your fears, your actions or your reservations, being a citizen of this country empowers you to express your beliefs and whether in the minority or not well liked, it's you who remind us why this country is great. It's you being allowed to be scared and to disagree that reminds us why this country is so great.

I love my country, I fear what the consequences of the upcoming fighting may be. For now I trust the government and believe in it's messages and actions, but I reserve the right to disagree later and I reserve the right to love and fly my flag just the same if I do. Because I love being able to disagree and I love being able to be scared.

The 'best' choice is not the only one that can justify your love of this country and we all would do well to remember that.

Love always...

Tuesday, September 18, 2001

I need to move forward. I really need to laugh and find a way to feel good for a while. It's easier at home, much less so at work. It was hard being stuck in the subway tunnels near Chamber St. for an hour on Monday because of a bomb scare. It was hard to finally reach my stop and see smokey air, dozens of reporters and policemen and firemen and soldiers EVERYWHERE. It was hard to smell what was in the air and not remember why that smell was there. It was hard walking past all the generator trucks powering all the buildings around me because one of the 10 largest power stations IN THE WORLD was under 7 WTC. It was hard not being able to listen to the radio or see the news for a whole day, the first since last week. It was hard being without my fiance. It was hard to read all the blogs and hear about the pain everyone is dealing with. It was hard reading Logi and Ally and wanting to reach out to them and yet realizing that they barely even know who I am. It was hard facing my own powerlessness. It was hard to feel so much. It was hard to be alive this week. It was hard knowing I am very very lucky. It was hard.

Thursday, September 13, 2001

Ally, Ghost, Siren..everyone. My prayers are truly with you. Go to Logi and make a donation if you want to help or just help more. Skye, Rinogirl, UIM, Tempest, and everyone else, thanks for your wishes and concerns. Chynakatt, THANK YOU for posting that letter. I had seen it and read it and I think everyone in the world should read that one. I still don't have words. I can't work yet because I work below 14th street. I wish I could go back to work, I wish life was normal again, I wish those people were still alive, I wish the Towers were still there...


Tuesday, September 11, 2001

There is no word, no text, no tender poetry to do this day justice. No Prose to capture the terrible horror or the pain. Reality has finally outreached my heart and my mind and reaped such destruction that any words I offer would be pathetic and small, but words MUST be spoken. So my only words are these: I have feared, and raged and cried today. I have gasped and stared blankly. I have wished for the best and sent out all my love and hope to everyone I could think of or even imagine, but I cannot ever know all their pain and loss and I do not pretend to. I only know my heart and body cries with, and for, you and if I have even one more ounce of life or love in my body, it will be spent praying with and for everyone in this city and beyond who has been hurt and killed and freightened today. I will make my mind remember even though I am tempted to wish it away, even though my logic tries to insist it can't be true. Mostly out of respect for those people who do not deserve to be forgotten. Their lives did matter and I owe it to them and theirs to see that in at least my life, they will be remembered and that memory will become a vital part of a new generation. A generation that will make sure this can never happen again.

Thanks for listeneing, I love you all.


Monday, September 10, 2001


I'd like to bring to your attention, several problems I have observed with your conduct and behaviour while waiting for, walking to, or riding the LI railway system.

#1: Your travel speed - you're doing it wrong. I find it annoying that Many of you insist on walking too slow. Worse, you walk too slow in swollen clots that blok my way. Unfortunately, many of you also are in far too much of a hurry. You can just walk around me politely or calm yourself down. Wherever you have to be, 30 seconds more or less won't make a difference. Watch me guys, follow my lead and you'll know what to do.

#2: Stop yelling at the people on the train. When I am comfortably on the train and you are standing there, bitter, because there is no more room, yelling to "STEP INSIDE!" will not only have no effect, it will also reinforce that you are an idiot. When I am also on the platform and cannot get on the train either (usually because others are simply not considerate enough to make room for me) you yelling for people to step in only makes me irritated. Why would you expect people to move in for you when I am on the platform as well as far more polite and deserving of any spot that should be generated.

#3: The third amendment does not guarantee you the right to read your Wall Street Journal on a crowded subway train. Close it you idiot! You can make 3 people a lot more comfortable and not look like a completely self-absorbed arrogant fool if you wait until getting off the train to read your billboard-sized newspaper. Do not think that that moronic 4-way puzzle-fold system you have to make the paper appear small is better, you still have to turn the page and open that ridiculous contaption up every 2 minutes, so cut it out!

#4: Stop running to the train and stopping right in the doorway! Has it ever occurred to you there might be others, or more importantly myself, behind you trying to get in as well. This is not a camping trip, you can't just call dibs on your favorite spot. You also might consider at least turning to the side when the doors open and people need to get in. This requires you to entertain the advanced thought that politeness is its own motivation, you aren't going to get a thank you or a tip, this is COMMON COURTESY!

#5: Take a damn bath you filthy animal! No one want's to smell you. This is not the wild where spreading your scent has some meaning, you are just disgusting people and we all feel bad that we have to wish you dead.

#6: Don't bitch out loud to yourself. Your grunts and groans, you muttering the name of the lord and cursing the railway system does NOT make us like you or make us sympathize. It makes us feel you are a whinny little bitch and you need to stop.

#7: Let the women and old people sit. Do I really need to go over this one AGAIN AND AGAIN? If I have to see one more young man or girl RUNNING in front of a senior or pregnant woman to get that last open seat, I am going to lose it. What the hell is wrong with you people? This is not a plate full of chicken you are running for, you don't just charge up and grab what you want. Think of others ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, maybe you'll even get into heaven.

Please read these things and realize the err of your ways. Use these guidelines to grow into better adjusted adults who deserve to share a transportation system with others. If you are ever confused, just follow the "Wryguy" rule. If Wryguy doesn't do it, neither should you...

Thank you...

Friday, September 07, 2001

You go ALLY! (Disclaimer: when Wryguy uses his cell phone he covers his mouth with his hand and speaks softly ;-)
Not for anything but Chynakatt is totally right. Forget about whether you have a right to not learn english, if you don't want to learn, great, but don't bitch about it when you can't find work and business shouldn't go out of their way to hire people who cannot speak the language properly just for the sake of 'Diversity'. In my opinion, diversity has gone too far when it costs quality of work and service. If they want to do that then add a 'Spanish Only' line at Burger King, then I'd be the first one honing my Spanish to get on the shorter line "Uno Biggie Fries Por Favor!".
Check out Metrocake today, I couldn't agree more. F*&%$ those anal uptight conservative hate and fear mongers!

Thursday, September 06, 2001

I have one thing to say to that ALLY chick, RIGHT ON GIRL!

Long post yesterday, forgot to copy first, lost it all. It was a very touchy and sensative topic. I took it as a nudge from above not to post that one.

Chynakatt has a funny/upsetting (to those of us getting married shortly) radio spoof relayed on her blog today. Check it out!

UIM, where is this story you are writing? I hear people talk about it and I wonder how to get to it...

I realized, while speaking with Sparks last night, that I had speant about 7 years working on a book about Life, Love, Spirituality, Creation and God and how they all interrelate and now believe that the core points of the book, the things that I most wanted to embrace and share with people, are mostly unrelatable things. By which I mean that some things are just unique about each and every person as well as the way each person hears and internalizes each bit of feeling and information they perceive. So the question becomes, do I rewrite it with only myself in mind and hope people will want to read about my perceptions and experiences knowing only a small percentage of people would truly relate, or write a genericly presented piece that many more people could relate to, but to a much lesser extent? I could use any advice I can get here...


Tuesday, September 04, 2001

So we cancelled all our plans for this past weekend so we could have just one relaxing weekend together before the wedding. No BBQ at friends, No visiting Massachusetts, No visiting family (this was not necessarily a sacrifice, more of a perk). All permanently posponed in the name of relaxation. Or so we thought... So we setled in to our PC's Friday night for a quick tandem mailcheck and web search when I hear those tell-tale words that you know just mean there is trouble ahead "Aw crap!". I ask my dearest what was so distressful and she pointed out that upon checking our "" to do list, that we were supposed to mail out all our wedding invitations THIS weekend and not next. Since we are printing the outer and inner envelopes ourselves, stuffing, sealing and stamping them, the weekend was going to have at least one full busy day. Then as always happens in bad movies and ruined weekends, the florist calls and reminds us we have an appointment to finalize arrangements with her the next day in Westbury at 1pm. Now this is far, we live east of Ronkonkoma. So we take deep breaths, give eachother a long supporting hug and immediately begin working on the task at hand. Printing and stuffing envelopes. I print outer envelopes first while she checks and finalizes the names and address on the list. After that we are supposed to print inside envelopes and stuff, when all of a sudden, I hear the all too familiar "Aw crap". What could be wrong now I wonder? "Direction cards" "What?" "Direction cards, the Coral House never sent the cards. I called and told them to mail them out on Monday, but they never arrived." "That's okay, I can probably make some on the..." "NO!," "What?" "We have to have the actual cards, this is our wedding not a BBQ, we can't just print something up and mail it with our beautiful wedding invitations." I knew she was right, but the realization that in order to get the cards we would have to take a trip out to Baldwin, make it tempting to just say the hell with it and...but I digress. So we stop and enjoy the night together bracing for the weekend to come.
The next day we allow ourselves a leisurely morning before going to the florist. Upon arriving to see and finalize the centerpieces, I don't like them. She's gotten a lot of the colors wrong and I just am not pleased. Sparks really shined here because she totally let me go at it as the florist totally dismantled the piece and we worked together to rebuild it the way I remembered it. She is probably the only woman in the world that would let the man set up the flower arrangements. When we finished we all agreed the flowers were just stunning, the florist needs to get credit here too. I picket the main flowers I wanted, but this woman is a true artist and worked wonders with them adding perfect accents and touches.
We were so happy when we left that we decided to go to the Roosevelt field mall and maybe look for some of the gifts for our Wedding party which we also haven't taken care of yet. (Honestly we have done a lot, there are hundreds of things on the list, really!) so we stroll around, have a late lunch, shop, talk, and finally we find 2 items (out of the 8 we need) that we want, but they are to be engraved so we have to wait another hour for that so we shop some more. Apparently we had a REALLY good time, because when we left we checked the time and it was 9:30PM! We had speant 7 hours there! Well the Coral house would have to wait until tomorrow....
We made one last attempt to try and verify that the address cards were already mailed and would arrive very soon, but when they didn't know who the receptionist was the day we called we had no choice but to drive down to SS PKWY exit 20 from LIE Exit 63... So we arrived, got the cards, also got place cards for the tables and a nice floor diagram with the tables drawn on which will prove very helpful when it comes time to make the seating chart, so all in all a very productive trip.
So we get home at about 5pm and Received a suprise invitation for dinner at our friends house and hey, free food and fun, no cooking, good deal. We didn't think twice at this point, we needed to have some fun. We had a great time and headed home aroung 11pm, prepared to take care of the invitations the next day. When we got home though we had a message on our machine inviting us to brunch the next day and well why not we could do the invites the whole rest of the day so off we went the next morning for more good times, getting home around 4:30pm to dig in and finish off the invites.
We worked for hours, stuffing, stamping, checking and stacking envelopes. At about the halfway point I offered to start cooking dinner while Sparks stuffed (I was on Stamp-Lick-Check-Stack duty, which was actually much easier than her job which consisted of stuffing inner envelope, adding tissue paper, adding direction and reception cards and checking spelling info), she agreed so I went and prepared a healthy dinner of Turkey-burgers, fresh corn and baked fries. When I had all prepared, I threw the wash (we had started earlier) into the dryer, started a new load and went up to get Sparks. We sat down to a nice meal watching John Edwards and part of the Thirty Something Marathon. Afterwards we decided to fold laundry before going back to finish the invitations.
We were happily folding clothes and watching television when all of a sudden Sparks starts crying out in pain! At first I thought "Why is she so upset, this isn't that upsetting a scene" then I realized she was crying and clutching her hand (this all happened in about the span of 2 seconds). I run to her and hold her, ask what happened and run to get a cold-pak out of the fridge. Apparently while flapping the wrinkles out of a shirt she smashed her hand on the corner of this solid wood desk we have in the living room. It doesn't appear broken, but it hurts her badly so we go to the hospital to have it X-Rayed just in case. After arriving and waiting and various other emergency room tasks, we finally find out that her poor liitle finger actually is fractured and she has a splint applied. So I did the only thing a good Fiance' can do at 9:30 (by this point) at night. I took her for Carvel. She REALLY appreciated that.
The true trooper she is, she still insisted upon finishing the invitations so we could mail them out today. Even though her main hand, her right hand, was short 2 fingers (they were taped together) and she was in a goodly amount of pain, she went ahead and finished the last 50 or so up with me. I cannot tell you how much I admire and really respect her. I did not think she could or should do it, but she very bravely did. I thanked her again, properly....

So that was our weekend and if you read all that then you are very brave too!

Thanks for listening guys,

Friday, August 31, 2001

Poor UIM, I hope you get some rest soon. I try not to complain much about my job because I always see how much worse you have it sometimes. It doesn't always sink in, just how many hours and days you work. I really respect how much you do and wish for a better time for you in future.


Thursday, August 30, 2001

To NightSkye: I hadn't checked the guestbook on my wedding page for over 3 months now. I checked it today. Thank you so much for what you wrote. It's very appreciated, if not 3+ months overdue...
I was reading Ghost this morning. What morning would be complete without reading Ghost and inevitably wondering what to acknowledge, appreciate, argue or ignore (incidentally that's why I love reading his blog) and while thinking about which I felt today, I happened upon Chynakatt's blog. I so feel for her, I really do. That pain stings so much, especially because we CHOOSE our friends. they are good people that we love and want in our lives and when they hurt or abandon us that pain is multiplied.

I know how much that can suck, not just because it's been done to me, but in all honesty it is something I've done in the past. I'm not proud of it, but whenever I read about people behaving in that way, not realizing quite how valuable and important their friends (which are more family than family sometimes) are, I am instantly reminded of my youth (up to age 25 or so actually...) and how the desire to 'earn' someone's love and not loose them, led me to forsake all my friends and caused me to act in ways I choice... Not the kind of choice where you sit down and independantly decide "is this what I want to do", the kind of choice where a girlfriend would insist on "how it's gotta be for her to be happy" and jumping on it to prove that she is more important that anyone else and that I really care. After that you mentally sign on or go crazy and the tragedy is complete. Now I know (after my last failed relationship and 2 years of not dating taught me this) that no one can dictate what I believe in or want but me and a true mate wants to love and respect me and my feelings and will receive the same in return. Oh, I knew that before, in my brain, but somehow you give youself excuses, you rationalize that this isn't whats happening 'this time'. Well let's call a spade a spade I gave MYSELF excuses, it hurts less to assume others do the same and that's largely a fiction.

Women AND men have continually used sex and love to control ralationships and feel safe and I think deep down, partners resent that. I think that is why so many people cheat and why so many relationships/marriages fail. I for one can say that this is definitely the only..ONLY...relationship I have ever had where the physical attraction has unerringly increased every day we've known eachother. I guess that is because sex is now truly an expression of love and never a manipulation, obligation or dissapointment. Never, because there are no more requirements or goals, no necessary objectives, just enjoyment of eachothers touch and company. Anyone fighting back the urge to vomit may now leave the room, I'm done...

Wednesday, August 29, 2001

Rhinogirl, Sparks has be having exactly those dreams. Usually it's forgetting to send invitations or her dress is the wrong color or she gets to the alter and it's not me (Yes in the dream this is upsetting to her :-P )...

I have started having odd ones myself, only the unsettling male variety though. I dreamed last night that I was in the hall setting up for dinner the night of the wedding (this obviously makes no sense as it is a day wedding and I wouldn't be setting up, but my brain didn't consult me first) and I saw a roach on the floor and started barking out orders to have the whole building sprayed and cleaned out in 15 minutes, by which time I was screeming. Oh also I appeared to be an employee of the place and it had no windows either...

Although I guess that is better than the nerves waking me up at 2am every night like last week... Is Skye having any nervous issues or is it just me? It's probably worse for you guys as you have a week less than we do, but I think at this point there is simply plenty of anxiety to go around....

Rhinogirl, Sparks has be having exactly those dreams. Usually it's forgetting to send invitations or her dress is the wrong color or she gets to the alter and it's not me (Yes in the dream this is upsetting to her :-P )...

I have started having odd ones myself, only the unsettling male variety though. I dreamed last night that I was in the hall setting up for dinner the night of the wedding (this obviously makes no sense as it is a day wedding and I wouldn't be setting up, but my brain didn't consult me first) and I saw a roach on the floor and started barking out orders to have the whole building sprayed and cleaned out in 15 minutes, by which time I was screeming. Oh also I appeared to be an employee of the place and it had no windows either...

Although I guess that is better than the nerves waking me up at 2am every night like last week... Is Skye having any nervous issues or is it just me? It's probably worse for you guys as you have a week less than we do, but I think at this point there is simply plenty of anxiety to go around....

When an Intelligent man realizes that he had not the wisdom to keep from being goaded into an argument for the fun of it, is it possible for that realization to be wisdom or had intelligence sorted through all of the permutations of possibilities and reached a logical result? Is that really what wisdom is? The ability to logically reason possibilities that do not yet exist or is wosdom instead the ability to go into a conversation with a plan already in hand empowering you as the manipulator and benefactor of the turmoil to follow? The wise man is already at peace because he has already seen the path before him and invites others to walk his road, not straying from it himself.

Tuesday, August 28, 2001

Yesterday was one of the most stressful days of my life. Basically it went like this:
Went to get blood test (cancer related). Had to wait 2 weeks because the doctor subsequently went on vacation. Finally got the results and they were partly obscure, bordering on potentially not good. (Sound indecisive, yea, I know that's what's so damn frustrating about it.). The doctor then starts to hint that yet ANOTHER radiation treatment MIGHT be something to THINK ABOUT in the future. Not that there is any reason to think that a 3rd dose will do something that the 1st or 2nd weren't able to but hey that's procedure. Fuck them... So fine. Next I call to confirm my appointment at the fertility clinic that night (need to make sure that my guys are all swimmin 10 months after the radiation). Some guy who is not the receptionist and probably should never have answered the phone picks up and when I tell him I am on my way for my 6PM appointment he says "Oh, wait I think they may need to rescedule you" at which point I exploded. No because it is horrendous to have an appointment resceduled but because it was to be my 3rd visit to this doctor and the first appointment was changed the day of so they could have their office party early and the second never happened because I called to say I was running 10 minutes late and they simply cancelled me on the spot. 10 MINUTES!!!! Okay so you know they are assholes. So needless to say I lose it. After about 10 minutes of laying into this guy the "real" receptionist comes on the phone to tell me there was no change, he was just confused. Check your facts people! Don't fuck with people with no knowledge of what you are saying. Okay so fine, I leave to go to Penn Station so I can catch a train to Great Next where the office is. Now when I leave at 4:30 it is POURING!!! So I decide to take a cab to the doc from the station and call Sparks to tell her not to meet me at the office from Holtsville because its a 90 minute drive and the weather is terrible. Now I am on the train and all is well, in fact Great Neck is the next stop and we're running a little early. Then when we are nearly at the station we stop. minutes go by...3-4-5-6-7 "Attention Passengers, because of signal problems, trains are being held at Great Neck to be processed manually, we have about 4 trains ahead of us. We will be proceeding to the station as soon as those trains are cleared." I would have gotten to the station at it was 5:40...then 5:45 then 5:50...Another announcement. So I call the doctor and explain the situation, hoping he might this time be compassionate enough to wait a few extra minutes. They inform me that if I cannot be there in the next 15 minures they are going to cancel me again. I am about to cry. I have been beaten. At 5:55 I call them trying to say I have to cancel but not actually being able to get the words out because I am so upset. It took a month to get this appointment.... Then suddenly the train begins to move! It is 5:57 and I BEG them to wait, I'm 5-10 minutes away. "I am at the platform now! Yes really, no I am not just moving again I am AT the platform!!!" so they decide to wait a "Few Minutes" for me. I RUN to a cab. I beg him to just go. He waits for any other passengers. There is a woman in the cab already. I explain the situation and beg her to let me go first. She agrees VERY graciously and that is the only reason I got there in time. I arrived at 6:05 and the woman behind the counter LITERALLY puffed, made a tired face and said "all right....go inside..." Bitch. So I finally provide the needed samples and all is pretty much fine. I am still healing but I am above average accross the board so I am healthy. I let him know I am happy because I am getting married in November and we want to start trying to have children right away. He then informs me that I really should wait at least a year before trying (A year would be December 23) and that this is the guideline but he likes to tack on a little more and likes to say a year and a half. So I look at him and say, "So what you are saying is that my sperm is healthy, I could safely start trying after a year but you reccomend a year and a half because you like to 'tack on' some time." at which he smiles and says yes. At which point I silently tell him to go fuck himself, it's bad enough Sparks and I must wait till new years... Then I get the bill for his 15 minutes of work, $500.00+ I guess he told me to fuck myself too... of course insurance doesn't cover this kind of things... fucker...

Well eventually I got my friends from Huntington to pick me up and met up with Sparks there so finally the day got a little better. Some more little thrills and adventures, but all either good or not significant enough to care about. I'm tired of writing. This and all the wedding/house/shower/medical stuff going on continually has really hit me today. I am so sad and worn out, thank God Sparks is in my life, her love and support are virtually all I have to live on sometimes, that and the support of my friends.....

If you've made it this far, thanks so much for listening.


Friday, August 24, 2001

'This space reserved for a witty opening that distinctly identifies this post as uniquely my own and not a rehash of what I've seen and enjoyed in other blogs'
- Editors note: This is not to insinuate that others have done this, simply that this blog does not intend to do such at this time.

I have now deleted what I began to write twice (this being the third attempt) and am disgusted at how much work this is proving to be. Had I a lemming, I'd send it on a short walk off the end of my cube.

Of course it's my own damn fault for being so riddled with both obvious topics of interest and a strangely persistant indifference. I mean let's see, Women in sports? I love that they play and I love that they don't bitch that I don't watch them. I don't watch, not because I am a man and men like men sports, woof woof woof "The best of the best of the best..SIR!" But more because as a man I am more familiar with men in general, more disgusted with men, especially the adrenaline riddled jock variety and am more able to enjoy and look forward to their potential for violence and injury inflicted upon eachother. In short, I like to watch men attack eachother because hey, they deserve it.
Now figure-skating I watch everyone because I consider that more art. Of course, I only like singles skating, couples is too dangerous and usually has the man basically comming within an inch or so of repeatedly slamming his partners head on the ice or dropping her or throwing her or whatever...
Non-English Speaking people? Talk to me when this nation grows enough balls to make US-English the national language. Until our goverment does that I say speak whatever the hell you want.

there was more, but it's getting late and I have to get back to work.

Oh yea, Sparks, thank you again for being so wonderful and I am so grateful for what I get to learn, share and experience with you.