Thursday, May 31, 2001

I followed SKYE'S link to GHOST to read his thoughts on SHREK. My feelings are mixed. I cannot argue with most of his points, although I think making Robin Hood French was a joke in itself and I too saw the end coming a mile away. there's just something about this movie that was more than the sum of it's parts for me. I think as I grow older I expect to see through a lot more of the plots on screen, since movies have to appeal to the masses and the masses are, by design, well, average. True, the Matrix parody has been done before a bunch of times, but even as I groaned I still laughed at it in an animated film. I was upset because I too wanted to know the Lord's (not THE Lord) reasons for the mass deportation, and while lamenting on that, didn't want to let that stop me from enjoying the movie so I consciously let it go. The fact that the characters were a mismatched patchwork of voices and accents worked for me though because I saw it as an additional irony that I allowed myself (maybe incorrectly, but harmlessly) to believe was intentional. So in sum, I think an argument can be made fairly easily to not "love" this movie, but I choose to love it for maybe more than it literally is. ;-)

Tuesday, May 29, 2001

I think Skye is making the right decision. It's not easy and realisticly it's probably the best way to go even if it doesn't sound all that great on (virtual) paper.

Well it looks like we are going to go ahead and try to buy this soon-to-be-built house. The costs are far higher than we were really prepared for, but we are hoping we can make it work. Frankly, if there is a way we will find it. If it's one person I've known in my life worthy and deserving of a new house, it's Sparks. She is truly my motivation.

I had honestly never heard of Kaycee Nicole until only a week before she "died". I think what that wonan did was tragic. It so frustrating that there are no laws strong enough to sufficiently punish a person who hurts your heart. If what she did to people emotionally was done to them physically, she'd be in jail a long time, it's sad that spiritual assault is not jailable...

Tuesday, May 22, 2001

Wish us well if you can, cross your fingers for us if possible, We think we may finally found a house and hopefully the next few days will go our way...
UIM, no one but you will ever know the chaos my web page became this morning, but now all is well and as I learned from my parents, if it is okay now, then what ever was wrong never really happened...
Thanks for the new code UIM, you did a great job hehehehe. :-)
Sparks made a great point to me about the porn thing last night. Simply: "Orgasms are GREAT they are like a drug that doesn't fry your brain or kill you. They are like a Whitmans assortment with no calories! Why wouldn't you enjoy it?"

Can't argue with no calories now can we? :-)

Monday, May 21, 2001

I think SKYE summed up the porn thing a lot better than me, sometimes simplicity is the best way to go.

My advice, by the way, is this:

If these are people you are really interested in performing with in the future you should probably try to do it unless the cast is a drag. Small parts in unrewarding roles are bad enough, but if you don't enjoy being with the people you are going to have to work with, why burden yourself?. A good cast can really make it worth it, but a bad one just makes it that much more of a pain.

I think the bottom line is, if you can't have a really enjoyable, if not challenging, experience, then there's probably places you could be that would make you a lot happier...


What do I like about life? It's ability to sense when you are at the height of your arrogance, feeling like you have the world pretty much figured out, and then WHAM, life kicks you in the ass and turns you upside down and shakes a condescending finger at you saying "Man you really don't get it to you?".

I love those times because of the relief that comes afterwards, better understanding the world and my place in it and for at least a while being humbled by the experience. This is part of the value Sparks has for me, she has a way of calmly and patiently making me see, no matter how much I resist. Man you just can't buy a spiritual guide like that. I just wish there wasn't always quite so much resistance, but I guess that if you can get through it, there really is no doubt what the truth is. I love you sparks, you have taught and inspired me once again and renewed the eyes that had narrowed against the greater truth.
Saw Shrek with Sparks, we both really LOVED it...God bless the Muffin man... We are going to see it again, we need to and we need to drag EvilG and Wiccan with us.

UIM's post on 5/19 got me thinking. Here are my thoughts (It's multi-layered, is only my OPINION, covers several different types of people and isn't meant to describe UIM personally, so please don't read this and think I am trying to do anything other than share my thoughts on the subject, and yes I like a certain amout of porn too, thanks!):

Pornography is free sex. Males of the species are genetically the machine driving the population growth and on a primal level, natural urges lead inevitably to porn as an outlet for the physiological disposition that civilized society does not generally allow us to act out. This isn't the only aspect though. Another is that Primal urges are stonger and more intense when higher levels of happieness/satisfaction are not present in sufficient quantities to override the primal. There is also the aspect that the voice of the ID in some people is disproportionately strong such that primal impulses and desires frequently override those of the Superego even when a person does have a happy and fulfilled lifestyle. Porn is also laden with fantasy, a place where we are desired, if we want to be, or allowed to explore the depts of sexuality that we are too scared or feel too gultiy to investigate with a partner. There is also the "Taboo" nature of porn which in itself is a draw as it appeals to both the "Rebelious" side and the "bad" side. People looking to either "stick it" to society or outwardly express their belief that deep down they're "bad" would be attracted subconsciously to porn in these instances. That doesn't even adress the simple and casual curiosity factor of porn, to watch it simply for the diversity of experience and the possibility of learning something new or exciting. Finally, there is Newton's theory of Pornography: A viewer of pornography tends to stay a viewer of pornography. In other words, we are creatures of habit and given enough time or integrated early enough it becomes a part of who we are, something we just "do" (Excuse the pun) :-)

Obviously any of these could be a reason to watch and if several overlap it's easy to see how it can become a sizeable factor of a person's life. The point should also be made that many of these reasons are perfectly healthy and can be an impetus for growth if utilized and handled properly.

My 2 cents...

Friday, May 18, 2001

Here's a good test to see if my fiance' Sparks is reading my blogger today. I got her two awsome presents, one for our one-year anniversery and another as a wedding present. Of course she'll have no clue if she doesn't read my blogger because I'm not telling until I get home.

She thinks we're just going out to see Shreck...hehehe...

Thursday, May 17, 2001

Another wild day here, networks going up an down like $2 whores...

Still a bit in the dumps over yesterdays house dissapointment, and it broke my heart to have to tell Sparks the news, but I guess we need to deal with it and move on.

On the less mature front, I've been reading a lot about the upgoming expansion to DiabloII here and it is going to absolutely rock. It's due out the end of next month...

It seems I have accumulated about 25 auction wins on Ebay in only about 3 weeks, I am implementing emergency restraint to try and curtail this obsessively wonderous and evil thing called auction...

We (Sparks and I) were talking about ways to make ourselves feel better after yesterday and it was the concensus that my upcomming auction deliveries were more than sufficient for me, so we figured it would only be fair for her to have a little shopping spree on her favorite site. :-)

Well have to do the Ronkonkoma-to-Massepequa-to-Ronkonkoma thing tonight for a doctor's appointment and believe me it sucks. I leave work 4:30pm, get into Ronkonkoma station where my car is at ~6:30, drive straight to my 7pm appointment and get home by like 8pm... For all you newcommers, let me assure you, this SUCKS!

Oh well such is my lot. As always, I love you Sparks, you are my well and inspiration.


Wednesday, May 16, 2001

Sad news to report. We were supposed to go to contract on a house today, but at the last minute, a judge forced the seller to sell the house her father built to the abusive ex she was trying to get away from. Life just sucks so bad sometimes.... I feel terrible for this woman, what she's had to endure is horrible. It's sucks pretty mightily for Sparks and I too, we hoped to be finally buying out dream house...

An a lighter note, I heard from EvilG today, he was happy to receive hellos from Skye, a really nice sign I'd say. maybe we can all get together again sometime... Time can be a wonderful thing as much as it can be a vicious whore so I guess today has been a little of both. :-)

I am going to precursor this by saying that I have spent the last 10 minutes in a near hysterical state because the post I spent over an hour typing this morning was lost. From now on I have to remember to copy my content before hitting that damn "Post and Publish" button...

So here it goes again.

I speant the beginning of my morning reading the new post on UIM's site. It left me needing to say what I can to help UIM see who he is through my eyes, good and bad with the hope of giving him a truly honest perspective from somewhere outside of himself. I am not going to just pat you on the head and say "don't be sillly UIM, you're fine" I don't think his other close friends would do this and neither will I. What is to follow is not presented as law or fact, just UIM as I perceive him. (Please also forgive me, most of this was worded much more nicely the first time and I am now trying to re-piece it together):

The good:
1. You are a loyal and true friend.
2. You are compassionate and care about your friends' happiness and safety.
3. You are a great writer, at your most brilliant when you express your feelings.
4. You are a very smart and knowledeable person with more referrential resources than most of us.
5. You have the ability to be entertained by a wide variety of topics.
6. You understand the value and necessity of "childish things" to balance a life that can become too serious.
7. You are open and accpting of others, no matter their situation.
8. You are proud. Quietly, but it's there.

The Bad:
1. You do not allow yourself to accept the fact that some people are simply not compatible with you. You entertain aquaintences with people that cannot possibly keep up with you mentally or give you what you need to be happy. This leads you, invariably, to become very frustrated at times, causing you to lash out, subsequently leading you to feel guilty, yet you remain unable to realize why as your guilt and self esteem does not allow it. (I am NOT referring to UIM's close friends) #2 might help though.
2. You cannot "think out loud" to yourself that "This person simply isn't bright enough to understand my thoughts or expectaions". If you could do that, without guilt, than it would allow you to maintain more of an even keel because you are compasionate enough to be responsive to that and thus eliminate the need to sever those relations (see number 1). This is where your self esteem and guilt stops you. (I am NOT referring to UIM's close friends)
3. You have not learned that arrogance is a positive and necessary thing, maybe not in the typical perception of the word, but the literal one. You need to value yourself.
4. Your restricted self esteem keeps you from demanding the things you need to be happy (see number one).
5. You overcompensate for your feeling of inadequacy by being overly giving and generous towards your friends. We will love you no matter how big your tip or what you pay for.
6. Your driving is questionable.

To wrap up: You are a special person who doesn't like to think of himself as special. You are exceptionally bright, but don't like to accept that mantle. You have needs that you won't demand and you have a value that you are reluctant to embrace.

You are a loved and cherished friend, please accept these words with compassion.

PS If you were someone else UIM would be hitting you with his baseball cap!

Tuesday, May 15, 2001

So here's a perfect example: Blogger goes down, and I get frustrated, tired of waiting and copy paste the whole thing to a file a delete my whole Blog, because Hey, it's somehting to do... later when Blogger is back I recreate my blog, paste in the old text, reformat and post.

Then there's UIM's perspective, "You had to delete your blog to get it working, Tempest just had to type"... Yeah AND!?!? :-)

It so nice to write, even if it's mostly nonsense. I guess the fact that no one is likely reading this (With the possible exception of Sparks and UIM) makes it a very relaxing endeavor. I have been Reading UIM, Skye, and Cakes' bloggers, catching up on their lives and enjoying their stories, however just in the outside chance any of you read this and are in any way bothered by that just drop me a line, I'll respect your privacy. :-)

So this was a fun weekend, I had my first trip to ALBANY! Went with Sparks and her mom. We visited CarCar (Sparks' sister) and Bookie (her partner, not Sparks', CarCars') and went to the Tulip festival! A good time was had by all. We went to dinner at this cool place called "Bruno's" which had a 50's theme, very heavy on the Elvis. I had the "Great Meatballs of Fire", you get the point.

Mother's day had to be transferred to the previous Wed though and that was tough for mumsy as it was her birthday as well, but the gifts changed her disposition soon enough ;-)

Oh yea, I discovered Ebay... Ebay is evil, I cannot stop, but I learned a valuable lesson. If you want to bid on something expensive, ONLY BID ON ONE! Do not bid on 3 with the thought that "Maybe I'll win 1 that way". Do not do this, this is how you wind up with 3 expensive things and this is how to upset those who love you when you are trying to buy a house and need to show your good credit standing....

I totally miss Karaoke.... Have to go again... I'm scared to though, I haven't gone since my first neck operation and I am still worried about the state my voice is left in. Only one wway to find out though, so gotta do it. I know Sparks would totally go with me, I just have to get off the horse and see where it's at.....

Time to go back to work, Later people, or lack therof! Sparks, I love you with all I am, see you soon, but not soon enough...
You know what's annoying? Users... They call with problems and when they do we have to ask for their login name so we can look up their account. This is not inherantly a big deal. A login name is typically some combination of a persons' first and last name spliced together. As a result this login "name" is almost never an actual word in the conventional sense. The users however, have not caught on to this point.

For example. A username might be "Biorij" and when I was for it they say "BIORIJ" as if it were a word and I am supposed to know how to spell it. What's worse, when I say "how do you spell that" they get all ingidnant, like how can I not know how to spell BIORJ... Yea, you're right buddy, I'm sorry...**&%*&^
well after having to completely delete my blogger and re-create it, I managed to restore the posts I had made that never really made it to prime time :-)
[5/11/2001 2:14:38 PM | Joseph Puccio]
Some things in life are very humbling. I was reading a lot today, I won't say whose site, but my heart truly goes out to...Some things are too big for words and suffice it to say, I am counting my blessings as many and yes I am truly humbled.

As far as blessings go, Sparks is my greatest (I never chose that surname incidentally, you can all thank UIM for that :-) But she truly is my greatest love and joy.

I guess I should backtrack and give a little brief (always worry when I use a "double minimal") overview of where my life was at before I met Sparks. After my last relationship failed in the most explosive of ways back in 98', I decided I'd had enough and didn't even try to date for the next, well 2 years. I used that time to introvert and grow and I guess accept my life as it was which can also be constrewed as embracing self pity, but only in a personal and romantic sense, Socially I had a ball! I was living with EvilG, spending time with he and MeeG and Guinnea, going to karaoke every week and writing, writing, writing, about God, creation and spirituality. Then in late 99 I found out I had Thyroid cancer and had surgery in November to remove my tainted thyroid and several lymph nodes. honestly, I wasn't that scared, I read all about it, knew what type of cancer it was and considered myself lucky that one dose of radioactive iodine would pretty much blow it out. Sure I'd be on Synthroid pills the rest of my life, but heck one pill a day I can do! Well as it was, the iodine didn't take and two months later the cancer was back in my lymph nodes. Logic seemed to fail me and I began to worry. The doctor immediately performed another surgery and removed some more nodes. After the recovery he pretty much said, "I should have spoken to a specialist" and needed to talk to Dr. S who is the Director of the Department at Stonybrook Hospital. I worried more. She had me go for another MRI and concluded that I should have had more extensive surgery than I was given and that I should consider a THIRD one! Okay, now I was scared. Well I had enough of being cut and asked if 6 weeks would make a difference because I needed to try something else first. (This is known as fight or flight) I said that if the cancer did not reduce in 6 weeks I'd have the surgery. They reluctantly agreed it would be okay and so I began a regiment of Herbal treatments and accupuncture. After 6 weeks I went for another MRI and although the Cancer had not grown it had not shrunk and I had to keep my word. (This was big because once I stopped the herbals and accupuncture, the cancer nearly doubled in size in two weeks so I am still a believer that it is a solid way to heal yourself.) In the midst of that I met Sparks. We were Set Up by our mutual friends and while we were both weary of the relationship thing we did immediately become fast and true friends. We connected on levels I had never known possible and that inspired me to be more of the man I never could be before. In less than three weeks we were officially romantically involved, just in time for my surgery. I cried so many times about that, I had wished she didn't have to see me that way, but she was so loving and compassionate that I truly began to believe that the scar I would have from my ear to the middle of my neck and the loss of sensation on that side of my neck, wouldn't matter to her one bit. Well she won me over. So much so that I really became vested in being the best I could be and have not yet stopped. 4 days before my surgery I went and had laser surgery on both my eyes because "hey I'm home anyway, might as well get this done for me" it worked too, because it gave me something to really feel good about.

The following statement is probably the most definitive of who I now am and is wholly attributable to the impact of having sparks in my life:

7 Days before the surgery, my company closed their doors and I lost all health coverage, I won't go into the legal reasons, but I was not eligable for COBRA or anything else. I'd have to pay myself and nothing could be done. Since the company went under in the middle of the month I had already made too much money for emergency aid. There was also the small matter that I was now unemployed. Knowing this I was not only NOT upset, but steadfastly believed that it would work out for the best and not be a problem.

So unemployed and uninsured I had the surgery with peace and calm in my heart. I was so sure that even Sparks began to believe. A week after I came home from the Hospital, three weeks before I could even go back to work I found a company to rehire me and, GET THIS, with a 50% pay raise! Well I can tell you, it felt great and even later when the bills totalling $20,000 came I remained unwavered. I was sure everything would be alright. This time everyone close to me believed it would be as well. All I can say now is, that debt is virtually all paid (I got them to compromise on how much), Sparks and I got engaged last August, we are getting married this November 3, and hopefully next week we'll be going to contract on a house. She's taught me that there is only one thing a person needs besided the love of a soulmate, and that is to love yourself. Once that truly happens, your faith starts to really become your reality. I love you Sparks, I love you with all of my heart and I will spend my entire life letting you know it.

[5/10/2001 3:42:25 PM | Joseph Puccio]

UIM, you're the only one that knows about this little place of mine, well I'll probably tell Sparks, but other than her it's all you baby!

[5/10/2001 11:34:47 AM | Joseph Puccio]

Okay then. :-) basically what I said was that I was really inspired after reading UIM's posts and sneaking peeks at Nightskye and Metrocake's sites (I hope they don't mind). It made me pretty nostalgic too. Its amazing when something happens like that and you stop and look at yourself and look back and realize, 'Wow, so much has happened to change the person I am along the way'. I realized how many powerful friendships, both lasting and not, I have had and feel the gratitude for each one and what they gave me in acceptance, learning and understanding. I truly understand the word Temperance now. (Quickly looking up the word to make sure he really understands) At least the portion about being more Sober, self-restrained and self-controled. I really appreciate having maintained friendships with UIM, EvilG, His new roomate MeeG, UsgirlA and UsgirlB. I am definitely a better if not vastly more diverse and patient person for having known them. I also want Nightskye and Metrocake to know that I think they are wonderful people and I hold on to only fond memories of having known you for the time I did. (Although they'll probably never see this :-) Also, Nightskye, congratulations on your upcomming wedding, I hear it is going to be exactly one week before mine!

[5/10/2001 11:04:59 AM | Joseph Puccio] Now I want you to understand the reason that my first post was so brief. It was because that was actually my second post. You see I speant about 30 minutes writing the first one (which I will tentatively recreate shortly) and then attempted to post. I then found that I had somehow become 'not logged on' and Blog was nice enough to delete my post as a welcome no doubt :-) So anyway... wait I better check this again.

[5/10/2001 10:59:19 AM | Joseph Puccio] The existence of this page is solely the fault of UIM, whose own site, fanned my desire to write into a frenzy I couldn't ignore. Either that or I am as bored at my job as he is in his.